SEEDS & WEEDS: The Funniest Things People Have Said About GARDENING

242 QUIPPERY / SEEDS & WEEDS
filler to stretch the meal enough to make it go around. If you have surprise
dinner guests, you simply add zucchini and what was designed to feed
four will now feed 12.
This summer Ann has become to zucchini what George Washington
Carver was to the peanut. She has served zucchini pizza, zucchini cake,
zucchini-apple pie, zucchini lasagna, zucchini soup, zucchini stroganoff,
Moo Goo Gai Zucchini, Zucchini Burrito el Grande and Zucchini Bombay
with Cherry Sauce. All of that was thoroughly disgusting in appearance but
tasted like absolutely nothing except whatever sauce she poured over it.
And, outside of Zucchini Bombay with Cherry Sauce (which I sealed
in a plastic bag and hid behind a couch cushion when she went to answer
the doorbell), we managed to swallow most of it.
In addition to the endless culinary delights she has created with
zucchini, she also says she can make other things from it — such as glue,
shoe polish, varnish remover, deodorant soap and anti-depressant
suppositories. She currently is working on a method of spinning zucchini
into pantyhose.
And a wonderful part of all of this — Ann says — is that the more
zucchini you use the more you seem to have. Our entire refrigerator is full.
The cabinet tops are full. The freezer is full. Even my work bench in the
garage has been taken over by zucchini, blissfully waiting to become a
part of some future giant step for humanity.
Meanwhile out in the garden, the plants continue to produce at a rate