SEEDS & WEEDS: The Funniest Things People Have Said About GARDENING

More documents

Recommendations

Info

294 QUIPPERY / SEEDS & WEEDSDay after demoralizing day I would walk onto the property and seenew damage that those blasted cottontails had done to my fresh plantings.That first summer in particular, anyone within earshot would have heardme weaving a tapestry of obscenities as I walked from bed to bed.“Hellfire and damnation!! Those scumbags! Those a-holes!” I have a pottymouth when I see a perfectly good bloom just lying there decapitated onthe ground with that telltale diagonal bite markon its stem. Sufferin’ succotash!There are certain flowers that thoseblasted bunnies will just eat likesalad — blooms, leaves, stem,everything. Thinking aboutputting petunias in youryard? Nasturtiums? Tulips?Think again.With the uncanny numberof wabbits around this particularneighborhood — procreating regularly everyfour to six weeks—the sight of a baby bunny was nolonger cute. In fact, babies are the worst culprits.Younger rabbits haven’t learned yet which plantsthey don’t like, so they’ll bite into anything that seems remotelylike food, just to have a taste. Once they’ve taken a chomp, they might not
THE FUNNIEST THINGS PEOPLE HAVE SAID ABOUT GARDENING 295even want a second mouthful — but I’ve seen them happily leveling off astand of lilies while they experiment with their palates. Jerks.The most heartbreaking moment of that first year was when I boughtsome lavender plants in full bloom and, as an experiment, left themunplanted in the lawn for a good week to observe any possible nibbling.Every time I checked, they looked fine. No snacking. Dare I?I finally decided it was safe to put them in the ground. The nextmorning — you guessed it — I came back to check on them andthey’d been mowed down by somerabid little rabbit mouths! Thoselittle wieners!! It’s like they were justmessing with me!!!This past season, however, Igot a sweet little taste ofjustice. I’d heard reports of astray black cat skulkingaround the neighborhood,and I begandiscoveringintermittentevidence of its hunts. I did notmind finding rabbit carcasses behind various hedges. I secretlycelebrated. I’m just glad I got there after the nefarious deed was done. . . .
Page 3:
Also from QuipperyAnd more books on
Page 6 and 7:
Quippery LLCFairfield, Iowa 52557 U
Page 9 and 10:
TABLE OF CONTENTSIs Gardening For Y
Page 11 and 12:
THE FUNNIEST THINGS PEOPLE HAVE SAI
Page 13 and 14:
Is Gardening For You?One in three A
Page 15 and 16:
Page 17 and 18:
Page 19 and 20:
Page 21 and 22:
Page 23 and 24:
Page 25 and 26:
Getting Startedfrom The OnionTips F
Page 27 and 28:
Tools of the TiradeGardening requir
Page 29 and 30:
Page 31 and 32:
Page 33 and 34:
Page 35 and 36:
Page 37 and 38:
Page 39 and 40:
Page 41 and 42:
Page 43 and 44:
Page 45 and 46:
Page 47 and 48:
Page 49 and 50:
Page 51 and 52:
Deciding What to PlantStarting your
Page 53 and 54:
Page 55 and 56:
Page 57 and 58:
Page 59 and 60:
Page 61 and 62:
Page 63 and 64:
Page 65 and 66:
Page 67 and 68:
Page 69 and 70:
Page 71 and 72:
Page 73 and 74:
Page 75 and 76:
Page 77 and 78:
Page 79 and 80:
Page 81 and 82:
Page 83 and 84:
Page 85 and 86:
Page 87 and 88:
Page 89 and 90:
Page 91 and 92:
Page 93 and 94:
Page 95 and 96:
Page 97 and 98:
Page 99 and 100:
Page 101 and 102:
Page 103 and 104:
Page 105 and 106:
Page 107 and 108:
Page 109 and 110:
Page 111 and 112:
Page 113 and 114:
Page 115 and 116:
Page 117 and 118:
Page 119 and 120:
Page 121 and 122:
Page 123 and 124:
Page 125 and 126:
Page 127 and 128:
Page 129 and 130:
Page 131 and 132:
Page 133 and 134:
Page 135 and 136:
Page 137 and 138:
Page 139 and 140:
Page 141 and 142:
Page 143 and 144:
Page 145 and 146:
Page 147 and 148:
Page 149 and 150:
Page 151 and 152:
Page 153 and 154:
Page 155 and 156:
Page 157 and 158:
Page 159 and 160:
The Plant Passion Testfrom David Ho
Page 161 and 162:
Page 163 and 164:
Page 165 and 166:
Page 167 and 168:
Page 169 and 170:
Page 171 and 172:
Page 173 and 174:
Page 175 and 176:
Page 177 and 178:
Page 179 and 180:
Page 181 and 182:
Page 183 and 184:
Page 185 and 186:
Page 187 and 188:
Page 189 and 190:
Page 191 and 192:
Page 193 and 194:
Page 195 and 196:
Page 197 and 198:
Page 199 and 200:
Page 201 and 202:
Page 203 and 204:
Insects and OtherInpestationsMosqui
Page 205 and 206:
Page 207 and 208:
Page 209 and 210:
Page 211 and 212:
Page 213 and 214:
Page 215 and 216:
Page 217 and 218:
Page 219 and 220:
Phallic Fungus:Getting Stinkhorn Ou
Page 221 and 222:
Page 223 and 224:
Page 225 and 226:
Gardening HazardsThe letters of the
Page 227 and 228:
Page 229 and 230:
Page 231 and 232:
Page 233 and 234:
Page 235 and 236:
Page 237 and 238:
Page 239 and 240:
Page 241 and 242:
Zucchini ZooZucchini to Feed the Ma
Page 243 and 244:
Page 245 and 246: THE FUNNIEST THINGS PEOPLE HAVE SAI
Page 257 and 258: REPotted
Page 295: THE FUNNIEST THINGS PEOPLE HAVE SAI
Page 305 and 306: The Great Kale InhaleHot dogs, hamb
Page 311 and 312: Carrots in LoveOf all the things th
Page 327 and 328: Return on InvestmentThe first tweet
Page 339 and 340: AcknowledgementsGreat thanks to the
Page 347 and 348:
Page 349 and 350:
Also from QuipperyAnd more Quippery
Page 351 and 352:
show all

SEEDS & WEEDS: The Funniest Things People Have Said About GARDENING

You also want an ePaper? Increase the reach of your titles

Delete template?

Save as template?