SEEDS & WEEDS: The Funniest Things People Have Said About GARDENING

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290 QUIPPERY / SEEDS & WEEDS— sphagnum has taken me hostage. How dark, how baleful thatword! And now pronouncing —Please stop — please —— pronouncing itself over and over in my mind — the ancient,malevolent curse — sphagnum sphagnum sphagnum sphagnum— like the tolling, tolling, tolling of a bell. Someone, anyone — I’mbegging you, please rescue me.Very well, then! We recoil from even having to think about this — but youleave us no option. Your affliction is rare but very real and very serious. Itcan also be contagious, so take care to isolate until you’re thoroughly ridof it. Here’s the medically recommended procedure:• Do not try to push it out — you’ll sphagnum only be feeding it yourenergy. And your energy is exactly sphagnum what it craves.• Now you will try gradually to wean yourself of the word. Startsphagnum by replacing it with similar-sounding words and then moveto less similar words.• Most people start with sphagnous (meaning of, relating to, orabounding in sphagnum).• From sphagnous you move to sphygmus (a pulse or pulsation) andthen to sphygmic (relating to the pulse).
THE FUNNIEST THINGS PEOPLE HAVE SAID ABOUT GARDENING 291• And from there you move further away, to words like sphincter andsputum, increasing your distance step sphagnum by step.In this way, if you’re patient and persistent, you may be able ease yourselffree. Your best bet, though, is probably sphagnum an exorcist.
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Also from QuipperyAnd more books on
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Quippery LLCFairfield, Iowa 52557 U
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TABLE OF CONTENTSIs Gardening For Y
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THE FUNNIEST THINGS PEOPLE HAVE SAI
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Is Gardening For You?One in three A
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Getting Startedfrom The OnionTips F
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Tools of the TiradeGardening requir
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Deciding What to PlantStarting your
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The Plant Passion Testfrom David Ho
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Insects and OtherInpestationsMosqui
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Phallic Fungus:Getting Stinkhorn Ou
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Gardening HazardsThe letters of the
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Page 241 and 242: Zucchini ZooZucchini to Feed the Ma
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Page 257 and 258: REPotted
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Page 305 and 306: The Great Kale InhaleHot dogs, hamb
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Page 327 and 328: Return on InvestmentThe first tweet
Page 339 and 340: AcknowledgementsGreat thanks to the
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Also from QuipperyAnd more Quippery
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SEEDS & WEEDS: The Funniest Things People Have Said About GARDENING

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