SEEDS & WEEDS: The Funniest Things People Have Said About GARDENING

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32 QUIPPERY / SEEDS & WEEDSThe mulch-making machineThis clever mechanism provides you with a reliablesource of mulch to put around your flowers, vegetables,shrubs, and trees.Oh, and it can also help you keep theweeds in your yard neatly trimmed, so that itlooks like you have a decent lawn toanyone glancing downfrom private aircraft.Mulch-makingmachine safetytip — Whateveryou do, don’t pickup this machineand use it to trimyour hedges, even ifthere are a few of you toshare the lifting. You don’t want to end up in ER with a pulled muscle.
THE FUNNIEST THINGS PEOPLE HAVE SAID ABOUT GARDENING 33The hand mowerSome veteran gardeners are so in tune with plants thatthey can communicate with them — they’re plantwhisperers.They generally don’t let people know abouttheir ability because they don’t want to you tothink they’re crazy.But they know what plants like and whatthey don’t like.One thing they will tell you: Plantshate the ear-splitting, root-stem-andleaf-shudderingclamor ofpower mowers and weedwhips. (They also hatelow-flying jets,ambulance and policesirens, and highwaynoise.) Subjected tothese noises, plantswould pull themselvesunderground by the roots if they could.That’s why plant whisperers use hand mowers.
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The Plant Passion Testfrom David Ho
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Insects and OtherInpestationsMosqui
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Phallic Fungus:Getting Stinkhorn Ou
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Gardening HazardsThe letters of the
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Zucchini ZooZucchini to Feed the Ma
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REPotted
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The Great Kale InhaleHot dogs, hamb
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Carrots in LoveOf all the things th
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Return on InvestmentThe first tweet
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AcknowledgementsGreat thanks to the
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Also from QuipperyAnd more Quippery
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SEEDS & WEEDS: The Funniest Things People Have Said About GARDENING

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