SEEDS & WEEDS: The Funniest Things People Have Said About GARDENING

THE FUNNIEST THINGS PEOPLE HAVE SAID ABOUT GARDENING 249
endless mockery by rabbits, moles, deer, raccoons, and every other
creature that routinely passes over, under, around, or through it.
fertilizer — a substance added to soil to increase its fertility and that you
sometimes feel like throwing at people in the hope they will grow up.
gardening — a frilly word for weeding.
garden centers — sites of mass hypnosis, typically resulting in people
blissfully turning over a good deal of their money; way stations where
plants are briefly stored on their journey from their farms or greenhouses
of origin to the homes where they will be brought to die.
green fingers — something everyone else has plenty of, or claims to.
hybrid plants — plants that combine sunlight with an electric motor to
power the plant.
knees — devices for finding rocks in one’s garden.
perennial — this year maybe, but next year doubtful.
seed catalogs — fictional fables with fantasy photos.
porch — a covered shelter projecting from the front entrance of a house
and where, during the summer, wasps build nests beneath and neighbors
deposit excess zucchini above.