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quite warm under his gaze. Why not, after all? Was it a coincidence that<br />
she had broken up with Bill just a few days before asking Jacques to<br />
supervise her thesis? She had not seen Matilda for several weeks, she felt<br />
sort of lonely. Her sisters already saw themselves as adults, with interests<br />
in life very different from hers. Gerry studying commerce! And Susan<br />
spending more time on the tennis court than reading books. Only Baby<br />
La was such a wonderful baby. Let nobody call her names, she would<br />
have a hard time in this country later. With all the work you have to<br />
comp<strong>le</strong>te at the end of the academic year, not a minute for the peop<strong>le</strong> I<br />
love. But I’ll spend two months in Europe, I must find a moment to go<br />
say hello before I <strong>le</strong>ave. At <strong>le</strong>ast a brief visit; no, that would be unfair,<br />
the who<strong>le</strong> afternoon. Or in the morning, if it were not so far. I’d water<br />
the plants. I feel like a happy child making herself useful. Mattie, such<br />
peace, after so much turmoil. Who could be that famous lover she had<br />
when she was a student? Why ask? Mere curiosity. Shouldn’t tell her that<br />
the beautiful tropical plant they gave me last time is dying. Probably<br />
not enough light under the porch.<br />
I should write to Jean-François and his family in Bordeaux.<br />
Maybe I’ll catch a train from Paris to see them. The mother died of<br />
breast cancer, poor woman. Check myself for lumps. Dr Scott is always<br />
ready to do that, is she a <strong>le</strong>sbian? Who knows. Lipstick? What colour?<br />
This dress is a bit too revealing. I have put some weight on since I went<br />
to the Union Ball in August. It’s not the pill, I had the IUD inserted<br />
before the winter. Stupid ball, with Bill: a future lawyer, party politics,<br />
tradition, relations, alumni, like his father, like Dad. Never again. How<br />
could I stand all that bull? He wanted me at his side because I am a<br />
well-bred daughter of the bourgeoisie with a plus, a body to make heads<br />
turn. A valuab<strong>le</strong> piece of furniture with a degree in Arts. Sex once a<br />
week, a quick one... Never gave me time to really enjoy it. Him on top.<br />
Perfume? No, the scented soap smells good enough on my skin. I am not<br />
going to seduce anyone like a cheap housewife. The jasmine climbing<br />
on the side of the garage door, stronger every year. I remember that we<br />
planted it when we moved in, eight years ago? I was in year seven. John<br />
tried to touch my <strong>le</strong>gs when we were unpotting the red hibiscus shrub.<br />
He said I was hairy like a boy. Liar.<br />
So, he has a son. Who has a girlfriend in Randwick. Prof. Silverman’s<br />
wife was his wife before, they say. The boy must be hers. She<br />
gave me Indonesian classes when I was in first year. How embarrassing.<br />
I should not have accepted this invitation. But now it’s too late. He’s<br />
going to be here any minute. And I shouldn’t have dressed up like this, I<br />
would feel so much better in my old jeans and a cotton top. Sure he will<br />
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