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a very good year for us in spite of the recession. I’ll have the brickies<br />
in next week, if you don’t mind. —What for? —I’ve already got the<br />
building license.—But, what do you plan to build? Why didn’t you tell<br />
me? —It’s a surprise. I want to have it ready for your birthday. You<br />
know the bad land patch right at the back, where we stock gravel and<br />
old railway s<strong>le</strong>epers we never sell, we don’t want it for anything, it’s just<br />
good to attract white ants... —Yes, we could c<strong>le</strong>an it, but what do you<br />
mean to build for me, there, so far away? Am I punished? —Sort of...<br />
For not painting all these years. Now you’re going to have to use your<br />
right hand again, seven days a week, I’ll check on you. What would<br />
you say about a nice big studio? —Oh, Fred!” She blushed, averted<br />
her gaze and cried. She did not want a studio, she was bad, bad, why<br />
would anyone spend this kind of money on her, who had not produced<br />
anything worthwhi<strong>le</strong> at forty, when there were so many young ta<strong>le</strong>nted<br />
artists who were striving? Fred said he knew that she was ta<strong>le</strong>nted too,<br />
that she had strugg<strong>le</strong>d longer and harder than most, that she deserved<br />
it, and it was his wish. He wanted her to accept this studio for his own<br />
satisfaction, she would not deny him this joy, would she? “Oh, dear me,<br />
I am sorry, you are such a kind man and I am such a fool.” She dried<br />
her tears. They hugged, they walked to the bad land patch, pushing<br />
the pram before them. They unfur<strong>le</strong>d the architect-designed plans. The<br />
project was thirty feet deep by twenty wide, a two-story high structure,<br />
with its own bathroom, its fireplace, a small mezzanine floor and a large<br />
sundeck at the rear, all natural old-sty<strong>le</strong> brick and redwood. The front<br />
would be fenced and a hibiscus hedge would be planted. She could paint<br />
any time without being disturbed by visitors and customers. It was<br />
beautiful. Nothing was missing but ocean views, they lived almost five<br />
mi<strong>le</strong>s inland. She thought she would have to reinvent the ocean. It was<br />
perhaps what painting was all about: could she do it at all, could she<br />
do it without reinventing the Matilda she had buried in a dark crevice<br />
between giant overhanging boulders, on the day she had f<strong>le</strong>d Avalon<br />
without a forwarding address? This was the really painful part, that she<br />
could not discuss Matilda with Fred, even now. Matilda, who was all but<br />
forgotten, still <strong>le</strong>d a kind of ghostly existence, like an unwanted shade<br />
of blue in a painted sky, which forbade Carol to either laugh at her or<br />
mourn for her. She would not drown in an acre of pure cobalt.<br />
Neverthe<strong>le</strong>ss the midday meal, under the grapevine, began lightheartedly<br />
and full of attention for Carol on the part of all the guests.<br />
The two garden hands had been invited to share potluck. Blue-haired<br />
Mrs Bell, the town councillor Fred had eventually cal<strong>le</strong>d before knowing<br />
that the water main had been repaired, had come to see personally what<br />
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