OR KILL ME!! - Principia Discordia

105
Millions of Screaming Yahoos, part 3.
Originally posted Apr 20, 2004
Crazy Steve called me tonight, just as I was ready to drop off to
sleep.
"Ya gotta come, Roger, Millie's in real trouble. She drank way
too much, and I don't know what to do. She might DIE!"
My heart filled with hate, but what could I do? Way out here,
you have to look out for each other, even if you can't stand the
sight of your neighbors. So, I grabbed my bag, put some epicac
into it, and jumped on my ATV.
When I walked into Crazy Steve's house (read: trailor), I heard
moaning and retching from the bathroom, even over the sound
of the tub's faucet, which was running full blast. This was, of
course, a good sign. It implied that Millie was not only alive,
but also that she wasn't too far gone to have a gag-reflex.
The horror in the bathroom was beyond description...Millie
was in a full tub, fully clothed (thank Gawd), with the water
overflowing onto the floor. Crazy Steve was feeding her cheap
gin, and holding a pill bottle.
"What the FUCK are you doing, Steve?"
"Never mind that, hold her head above the water while I feed
her some more vitamins."
I grabbed the pill bottle out of his hand, and read the label.
"You vicious creep! These aren't vitamins! This is Antabuse!"
(Note: for those of you who AREN'T surrounded by insane
or kill me