OR KILL ME!! - Principia Discordia

146
"'Clubs', eh? Sounds a little...dodgy."
The Judge just laughed, and wrote a monthly figure on a piece
of paper. My jaw dropped, and I asked when I should start.
Goodbye, shithole apartment, goodbye, twisting wrenches. Of
course, the whole thing looked even MORE dodgy now, but
the figure he had written made my eyes hurt.
Besides, it sounded like fun...or so I thought at the time.
The Judge said I was to start immediately, and that his
grandson Seth would show me around. I was to live in a house
he owned in a nice suburb of Tucson, and troubleshoot some
problems he was having. The job involved vampire hours, and
a six day workweek. There was one other thing...
"You official title will be that of my bodyguard. As a judge, I
am entitled to public or private security. You can, of course, be
bonded to carry a weapon?"
I said that this would be no problem, but I wondered aloud why
I would need a gun.
"You never know, Roger, you never know. Now, as I said, I
need you to start tomorrow, as Amy and I are taking a trip to
Vegas."
"Vegas? You have business there?"
The Judge just laughed, but Amy spoke up, saying, "I've
always wanted an Elvis wedding."
The weirdness, it seems, never ends.
The next day I met Seth, and saw exactly what the hell I had
or kill me