OR KILL ME!! - Principia Discordia

114
"I think I have the answer to the problem, Bud. Come with
me." I led Bud over to the charging racks, and picked up a
capacitor, the size of a beer can.
"Here, hold this." I handed the capacitor to him, leads first. He
grabbed it...and then shot backwards about 3 feet, as the
capacitor discharged into his hand. It made a LOVELY flash,
and knocked Bud stupid(er) for a few moments.
When Bud finally got up, he said, "You asshole! How does
THAT help my problem?"
"Who said YOUR problem, Bud? I was talking about MY
problem; your whining. Now, get back to work, or I'll find
something REALLY nasty for you to do."
Bud scurried off. I'll have to keep my eye on him, for a while.
Unfortunately, my work was interrupted again, about ten
minutes later, when Cheryl came in, with a red face, and puffy
eyes. Obviously, she had been crying. Abandoning all hope for
my project, I turned to her, and waited for the inevitable.
She walked up to me, and blurted out, "Bud got me preganant
he said he had been fixed and now my parents are kicking me
out and Bud won't talk to me and I don't now what to
doooooooooo!" She burst into tears, literally crying on my
shoulder (my elbow, actually).
"Ye gods", I thought..."Why do they always come to ME? I'm
the biggest asshole in this whole place..."
Now, Cheryl is a sweet kid, and always has a smile and a nice
word for me, which I typically ignore. But I didn't have the
heart to tell her that her situation was totally hopeless. I told
her to let me think it over, and I'd try to see if there was
or kill me