OR KILL ME!! - Principia Discordia

250
Lost in America, part 1.
Originally posted Mar 04, 2005
Wherever I have gone in this country, I have found Americans.
- Alf Landon, just before FDR buried him alive in the polls.
"AMERICA = TEH STOOPIDEST OPIEZ ON THA PLANET."
- Chef, last night, in our head.
I found myself shopping in La Mexicana Chiquita
Supermercado last night, trying to find fresh habanero peppers
for that lousy Tongan. He had been keeping me up all night,
bellowing about this year's America's Cup race, and about the
future of American football. The only possible cure was to
chow down on insanely hot peppers until he was beaten into
submission, thus allowing me to get a couple of hours of
precious sleep.
Nothing stands out in an almost empy supermarket like The
Good Rev, especially when he's stuck halfway in Chef mode.
Hideous...a bone-weary 220 pound gringo, shuffling down the
aisles, mumbling things about "teef" and "baggies" and the
Chicago Bears...all the while dragging a 20 pound authentic
war club. In any civilized country, I'd be beaten by cops and
thrown in jail, for my own good.
However, I am not in a civilized country, and the locals know
me. For good or for ill, they are my people, and they are more
than willing to put up with my eccentricities...as just about
everyone in Aurora, IL is eccentric, or a gang-banger, or both.
Aurora is America in microcosm...at least the America that
SHOULD exist. 75% hard-working weirdos, and 25% goons,
thugs, and preachers. Almost everyone carries a gun, at least at
or kill me