OR KILL ME!! - Principia Discordia

212
Rev Roger, Rant#5:
Eris isn't the creator, so STFU!
Originally posted Sep 23, 2005
Let me start off by saying that mechanical engineers are dicks,
as anyone who has ever spun a wrench can tell you. They like
to make things compact and symetrical, which makes things
almost impossible to fix.
Now, there has been some talk in discordian circles that
implies that Eris is the creator. This is, of course, absolute
rubbish. Would Eris design a species that is bilaterally
symetrical at the expense of functionality? Hell, no...she'd have
included shit like tentacles, mandibles, and a bigass robot
gripper arm sticking out of our arses.
No, the goofy design we got stuck with is more likely the work
of the humorless, OCD-afflicted space monster Jehovah. It is
SO him to design a ridiculous species that can't run, can't fight,
and can't even hide properly.
No, he made us tool users, but - like all engineers - he put form
over substance. He made us bilaterally symetrical, when
anyone can see that a tool using species should have at least
three arms. Two to HOLD the object you are working on/with,
and one to MANIPULATE it.
Plus, he used cheap materials, which wear out in only 75 years
or so. Hell there are aircraft older than that, still flying. Plus, he
included things like the veriform appendix, which is just there
to kill us at random times. DEFINITELY a Friday rush-job.
Perhaps he should have spent the seventh day reviewing his
design, rather than loafing.
or kill me