OR KILL ME!! - Principia Discordia

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29 Rev Roger Sermon #12: Eulogy for a Diseased Mountain Monk Originally posted March 5, 2003 Word has come down from Colorado that my old friend and associate, Larry (aka: The Mountain Monk) is now presumed dead, having been missing for 7 years. Larry was a true Discordian saint, though he never considered himself a Discordian at all. It was he who taught me how to destroy every toilet in a building through jaking the plumbing; it was he who was, in fact, forced to move to Colorado because of a prank gone awry in Illinois (which led to the downfall of the mayor of a major Chicago suburb). I met Larry in the middle of the Reagan years, just about the time the Gipper was cracking down on just about every type of fun. Those were bleak years; the TV preachers dictated morality, Nancy Reagan had just started her "just say no" campaign, the idea that sex=death was still sinking in, and Ed Meese (Reagan's attorney general) was on a rampage against sex, pornography, and the sex industry. You could get 5 years in the big house if you were caught with a prairie squid, and if you had BIG, RED STRAPS you were just shot out of hand. Larry, however, never seemed to let any of this bother him, or even slow down his vile excesses and insane behavior. The only effect all this Nazi jabbering had on him was to instill a deep yearning for revenge in him. He started off with disabling every photocopier in town (remember, this was before the internet and any powerful PC equipment of any kind. Photocopiers were expensive, large, and rare.) by lifting the rubber mat that served as a cover, and crazy gluing it shut. He then moved on to booby-trapping ATM machines by covertly or kill me
30 crazy-glueing the enter button (the yuppie behind him in line became instantly bonded to the machine. From there, he branched out ito serious information-system jaking. He continued on until the fateful Jake in 1991 that led to his flight and exile in Colorado. By this time, this crazed maniac had gotten both of us thrown in jail a couple of times, and had made a name for himself with every law enforcement agency in the state. They could never pin anything on him, however, and he was always one step ahead of them. He was a mutant, a genetic sport who never could fit in, and he was gonna make society pay for it. Larry is gone now, and Reagan is too. Ed Meese is a flunky on a bank board somewhere, having served his debt to society for his incredible corruption. All of the TV preachers have selfdestructed except Jerry Falwell, who is the new president's friend and confidant (the HORROR). We now have a brand new crop of fascists with names like Ashcroft, Ridge, and (of course) GW Bush. Where, I ask, is Larry the Freak now that we finally need him? Larry: If you read this, I have only one thing to say to you. DON'T COME BACK, YOU FREAK! YOUR KIND WE CAN DO WITHOUT! WE NEVER LIKED YOU ANYWAY! yOU STILL OWE M MONEY, YOU BASTARD! IF YOU SEE ME COMING, BUBBA, YOU BETTER RUN, BECAUSE or kill me
Page 1 and 2: OR KILL ME!! Heresies, Rants, Sermo
Page 3 and 4: 2 CONTENTS PART ONE: Sermons 3 PART
Page 5 and 6: 4 Rev Roger Sermon #1: A rant/sermo
Page 7 and 8: 6 Rev Roger Sermon 2: Attack of the
Page 9 and 10: 8 Rev Roger sermon #3 ...get yer ba
Page 11 and 12: 10 But what of those brains? When's
Page 13 and 14: 12 supervisor, I caught an intervie
Page 15 and 16: 14 boy)...and it ISN'T GOING TO! No
Page 17 and 18: 16 Now, the money grubbing b@stards
Page 19 and 20: 18 transition will be easier. Hell,
Page 21 and 22: 20 his frickin' Gestapo, the proble
Page 23 and 24: 22 this: If you get out of line, we
Page 25 and 26: 24 you are no longer afraid of mist
Page 27 and 28: 26 Rev Roger Sermon #11: Land of th
Page 29: 28 Why the hell should they? They h
Page 33 and 34: 32 that the battles of the 60s had
Page 35 and 36: 34 the descendants of slaves who ch
Page 37 and 38: 36 You could get on the internet an
Page 39 and 40: 38 Rev Roger Sermon#17 What have yo
Page 41 and 42: 40 legally) booger up the local ATF
Page 43 and 44: 42 Rev Roger Sermon #18: DOOM Origi
Page 45 and 46: 44 that the fun might ever come bac
Page 47 and 48: 46 Grayfaces do not know they are d
Page 49 and 50: 48 Rev Roger Sermon #21: Leeetttts
Page 51 and 52: 50 Rev Roger Sermon #22: The Machin
Page 53 and 54: 52 So if you wish to have a plutocr
Page 55 and 56: 54 With Zevon gone, the most I can
Page 57 and 58: 56 trying...There will be NO revolu
Page 59 and 60: 58 Sermon #25: THE FINAL WORD Origi
Page 61 and 62: 60 4. Do I feel that I have the rig
Page 63 and 64: 62 Rev Roger Special Bonus Sermon #
Page 65 and 66: 64 the bottle, drop the dugout, and
Page 67 and 68: 66 anymore...but your parents ARE.
Page 69 and 70: 68 People are dragged out of line i
Page 71 and 72: 70 most nations, I seriously doubt
Page 73 and 74: 72 All these things I have seen, an
Page 75 and 76: 74 Word Game" or "What are you eati
Page 77 and 78: 76 The Good Rev Roger Sermon #33: T
Page 79 and 80: 78 That’s right, the television
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80 passers by with your message…a
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82 Sermon #34: Classified. φ or ki
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84 He really DOES laugh at the GOP
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86 Rev Roger: The Heresies, chapter
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88 6. Free Radicals: A Free Radical
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90 We are mutants. That's right, mu
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92 Heresies 3: Classified. Ξ or ki
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94 Eris is the goddess of DISCORD.
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96 4. Latent Discordians - Discordi
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98 PART Three Millions of Screaming
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100 By HAMZA HENDAWI, Associated Pr
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102 Millions of Screaming Yahoos, p
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104 accomplishment. "See, Millie? T
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106 rednecks, Antabuse is a powerfu
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108 "What kind of pussy do you thin
Page 111 and 112:
Page 113 and 114:
Page 115 and 116:
114 "I think I have the answer to t
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116 seem to be without sin, so you
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118 Image: A run-down doublewide tr
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120 Jim said, "Well, watch your bac
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126 Now, Bowzer has always been an
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128 Millions of Screaming Yahoos, P
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130 I thought for a moment, and sai
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134 Cheryl slapped me, burst into t
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136 pitch black, and I couldn't see
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138 bastards off, and we can do it
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140 himself Jose. Listening in, I r
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142 To my relief, Amy was sleeping
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144 near Tombstone. Johnny Ringo wa
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146 "'Clubs', eh? Sounds a little..
Page 149 and 150:
148 Millions of Screaming Yahoos #1
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150 Seth and I had been the only tw
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152 Instead of talking, I pondered
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154 I was a little surprised, and a
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156 Seth answered it. After a short
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158 added with a giggle, "He's a wi
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160 her new home. The only sacred t
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162 "Excellent. Thanks, I'll go get
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164 BIG the interior of the truck's
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166 Millions of Screaming Yahoos 19
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168 PART Four: ROGER’S Epistles o
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170 the left feels morally superior
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172 Rev Roger, Epistle 2: Join the
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174 Rev Roger Epistle#3: How do YOU
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176 Rev Roger, Epistle #4: To the R
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178 Elite, and they get to have the
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180 wrong...we are congenital troub
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182 PART FIVE: Life in the Age of D
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184 Rick takes truly foolish chance
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186 say AVERAGE, not MEDIAN. What t
Page 189 and 190:
188 Life in the Age of Dumb, part 3
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190 Bad craziness...any fool can se
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192 shit through?" Rick just looked
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194 "I thought we were overnighting
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196 Life in the Age of Dumb, part 5
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198 Life in the Age of Dumb, art 6:
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200 heedless of The crumbling found
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202 Sr was talking about when he sa
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204 Rev Roger Rant #1: Roger Gets H
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206 Rev Roger, Rant #2: Get Off Of
Page 209 and 210:
208 Rev Roger Rant #3: Why I killed
Page 211 and 212:
210 Or maybe not...maybe they'd jus
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212 Rev Roger, Rant#5: Eris isn't t
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214 Rev Roger, Rant 6: The End(tm)
Page 217 and 218:
216 "But what about Little Billy?",
Page 219 and 220:
218 another. He isn't REALLY mockin
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220 totally arbitrary decisions, ju
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222 Rev Roger Rant #10: Where the H
Page 225 and 226:
224 Who has the correct idea? Well,
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226 PMs (he can't, but he doesn't e
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228 Rev Roger, Rant #14: What's My
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230 Rev Roger, Rant 16: That's All
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232 world is - and will remain - a
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234 Goodbye, Pedro. Originally post
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236 - serious about having a good t
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238 Our police will protect you fro
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240 The Gospel According to Roger B
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242 Transcript #32 WAKE UP! Huh? WA
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244 Rev Roger's election rant #1: T
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246 Originally posted Jun 06, 2005
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248 10 more things I know are true:
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250 Lost in America, part 1. Origin
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252 ...Back to mi casa, lock the do
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254 my associate here doesn't look
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256 Lost in America #3: Lost ₪ or
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