OR KILL ME!! - Principia Discordia

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125 Cheryl was feeding quarters into the jukebox, when - off all people - Bud walked into the bar. He came up to the table, and said he had a bone to pick with me. "Really, Bud? Let me ask you this...why the FUCK aren't you at work?" "I took a personal day. What the fuck is between you and Cheryl?" "Why don't you ask her, you slimy little degenerate", I asked him. "Not too...ashamed, are you?" "I got nuthin to be ashamed about." "Yeah, that's what I figured." Cheryl came to the table, and Bud turned to her. "Can we talk?", he asked her. "About what, little man?", she replied. "What could you possibly have to say to me?" "Aw, c'mon, don't be like that. Look, I'm leaving my wife. Will you come back to me?" Both Cheryl and I burst out laughing. Bud grew red in the face, and hissed at me, "You bastard! " At this point, we had the attention of every low life in the bar, and snickering could be heard from the shadows. Bud looked like he was going to pop a vein, so I adjusted my grip on my beer bottle, and waited - prayed - for him to take a swing. No such luck. or kill me
126 Now, Bowzer has always been an aware dawg. He picks up on emotions quite quickly...And he was walking around Cheryls feet, stiff-legged. NOT a good sign. Thing about Bowzer, he rarely growls...he seems to feel that warnings should not be necessary. Bud, however, was too enraged to notice. Glancing up, I saw Steve behind the bar, face white. He knew. He looked at me, and pointed at the phone. I shook my head, and he began to grin. Crazy Steve might be a slimeball, too, but sometimes he knows when to shut up and enjoy the fun. Bud tried to regain his composure, which sent Cheryl into a fit of the giggles. Bud snarled something I didn't catch, and grabbed her wrist. The result was ugly, yet funny. Picture the look on the face of a man who has suddenly realized that his dick is in an operating quisenart...which is about the best analogy that I can think of, as Bowzer clamped down on Bud's crotch. Not a sound out of the little beast, just silent, efficient mayhem to the genitals. Bud shrieked, and began to beat at the dawg's head...which, of course was utterly ineffectual, except to draw more hoots from the crowd. Crazy Steve had an odd grin on his face, as if finally realizing how FUNNY this type of thing can be, when it's not happening to him. Cheryl and I finally got Bowzer off of him, and Cheryl told him what a GOOD dawg he was. Bud lay on the floor, and moaned something about the cops. Cheryl snickered, "Listen you little creep, you talk to the cops, and I do, too. What do you think they'll do when I tell them that our sex was NOT consensual?" I darted a glance at her, shocked, but she just winked at me. Heh. She looked down at the poor bastard, and giggled at the or kill me
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OR KILL ME!! Heresies, Rants, Sermo
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2 CONTENTS PART ONE: Sermons 3 PART
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4 Rev Roger Sermon #1: A rant/sermo
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6 Rev Roger Sermon 2: Attack of the
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8 Rev Roger sermon #3 ...get yer ba
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10 But what of those brains? When's
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12 supervisor, I caught an intervie
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14 boy)...and it ISN'T GOING TO! No
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16 Now, the money grubbing b@stards
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18 transition will be easier. Hell,
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20 his frickin' Gestapo, the proble
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22 this: If you get out of line, we
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24 you are no longer afraid of mist
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26 Rev Roger Sermon #11: Land of th
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28 Why the hell should they? They h
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30 crazy-glueing the enter button (
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32 that the battles of the 60s had
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34 the descendants of slaves who ch
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36 You could get on the internet an
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38 Rev Roger Sermon#17 What have yo
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40 legally) booger up the local ATF
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42 Rev Roger Sermon #18: DOOM Origi
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44 that the fun might ever come bac
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46 Grayfaces do not know they are d
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48 Rev Roger Sermon #21: Leeetttts
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50 Rev Roger Sermon #22: The Machin
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52 So if you wish to have a plutocr
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54 With Zevon gone, the most I can
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56 trying...There will be NO revolu
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58 Sermon #25: THE FINAL WORD Origi
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60 4. Do I feel that I have the rig
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62 Rev Roger Special Bonus Sermon #
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64 the bottle, drop the dugout, and
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66 anymore...but your parents ARE.
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68 People are dragged out of line i
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70 most nations, I seriously doubt
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72 All these things I have seen, an
Page 75 and 76: 74 Word Game" or "What are you eati
Page 77 and 78: 76 The Good Rev Roger Sermon #33: T
Page 79 and 80: 78 That’s right, the television
Page 81 and 82: 80 passers by with your message…a
Page 83 and 84: 82 Sermon #34: Classified. φ or ki
Page 85 and 86: 84 He really DOES laugh at the GOP
Page 87 and 88: 86 Rev Roger: The Heresies, chapter
Page 89 and 90: 88 6. Free Radicals: A Free Radical
Page 91 and 92: 90 We are mutants. That's right, mu
Page 93 and 94: 92 Heresies 3: Classified. Ξ or ki
Page 95 and 96: 94 Eris is the goddess of DISCORD.
Page 97 and 98: 96 4. Latent Discordians - Discordi
Page 99 and 100: 98 PART Three Millions of Screaming
Page 101 and 102: 100 By HAMZA HENDAWI, Associated Pr
Page 103 and 104: 102 Millions of Screaming Yahoos, p
Page 105 and 106: 104 accomplishment. "See, Millie? T
Page 107 and 108: 106 rednecks, Antabuse is a powerfu
Page 109 and 110: 108 "What kind of pussy do you thin
Page 115 and 116: 114 "I think I have the answer to t
Page 117 and 118: 116 seem to be without sin, so you
Page 119 and 120: 118 Image: A run-down doublewide tr
Page 121 and 122: 120 Jim said, "Well, watch your bac
Page 125: 124 Millions of Screaming Yahoos, p
Page 129 and 130: 128 Millions of Screaming Yahoos, P
Page 131 and 132: 130 I thought for a moment, and sai
Page 135 and 136: 134 Cheryl slapped me, burst into t
Page 137 and 138: 136 pitch black, and I couldn't see
Page 139 and 140: 138 bastards off, and we can do it
Page 141 and 142: 140 himself Jose. Listening in, I r
Page 143 and 144: 142 To my relief, Amy was sleeping
Page 145 and 146: 144 near Tombstone. Johnny Ringo wa
Page 147 and 148: 146 "'Clubs', eh? Sounds a little..
Page 149 and 150: 148 Millions of Screaming Yahoos #1
Page 151 and 152: 150 Seth and I had been the only tw
Page 153 and 154: 152 Instead of talking, I pondered
Page 155 and 156: 154 I was a little surprised, and a
Page 157 and 158: 156 Seth answered it. After a short
Page 159 and 160: 158 added with a giggle, "He's a wi
Page 161 and 162: 160 her new home. The only sacred t
Page 163 and 164: 162 "Excellent. Thanks, I'll go get
Page 165 and 166: 164 BIG the interior of the truck's
Page 167 and 168: 166 Millions of Screaming Yahoos 19
Page 169 and 170: 168 PART Four: ROGER’S Epistles o
Page 171 and 172: 170 the left feels morally superior
Page 173 and 174: 172 Rev Roger, Epistle 2: Join the
Page 175 and 176: 174 Rev Roger Epistle#3: How do YOU
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176 Rev Roger, Epistle #4: To the R
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178 Elite, and they get to have the
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180 wrong...we are congenital troub
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182 PART FIVE: Life in the Age of D
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184 Rick takes truly foolish chance
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186 say AVERAGE, not MEDIAN. What t
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188 Life in the Age of Dumb, part 3
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190 Bad craziness...any fool can se
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192 shit through?" Rick just looked
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194 "I thought we were overnighting
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196 Life in the Age of Dumb, part 5
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198 Life in the Age of Dumb, art 6:
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200 heedless of The crumbling found
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202 Sr was talking about when he sa
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204 Rev Roger Rant #1: Roger Gets H
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206 Rev Roger, Rant #2: Get Off Of
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208 Rev Roger Rant #3: Why I killed
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210 Or maybe not...maybe they'd jus
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212 Rev Roger, Rant#5: Eris isn't t
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214 Rev Roger, Rant 6: The End(tm)
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216 "But what about Little Billy?",
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218 another. He isn't REALLY mockin
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220 totally arbitrary decisions, ju
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222 Rev Roger Rant #10: Where the H
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224 Who has the correct idea? Well,
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226 PMs (he can't, but he doesn't e
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228 Rev Roger, Rant #14: What's My
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230 Rev Roger, Rant 16: That's All
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232 world is - and will remain - a
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234 Goodbye, Pedro. Originally post
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236 - serious about having a good t
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238 Our police will protect you fro
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240 The Gospel According to Roger B
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242 Transcript #32 WAKE UP! Huh? WA
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244 Rev Roger's election rant #1: T
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246 Originally posted Jun 06, 2005
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248 10 more things I know are true:
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250 Lost in America, part 1. Origin
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252 ...Back to mi casa, lock the do
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254 my associate here doesn't look
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256 Lost in America #3: Lost ₪ or
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