OR KILL ME!! - Principia Discordia

241
"To assimilate you, of course. There's really no use struggling,
you know."
"But what do you want with us?" Fred was really weirded out
by now.
"Oh, that's easy. We want to make you our slave. We want to
wear you down into a cog, to replace earlier cogs which have
grown old and died in our service. We want you to be a proper
consumer. We want to send your children off to die for the
bottom line. We want humans to be food tubes, ants, mindless
automatons. You tend to be more profitable for us, that way."
"That's horrible!", Fred exclaimed.
"Not from our perspective. Now, kindly stand still, while we
hit you with our magic hammer. You won't feel a thing, I
assure you. In fact, you will enjoy it. No more worries, no more
cares...we will do all that for you.", the man said, reaching for
Fred.
Fred, being a man of good instincts, slammed the door in the
man's face, and ran into the kitchen, where he leapt out the
back window, and began running. Fred knew that The Machine
was too large for one man to fight, and that he had to find
allies.
As he ran, he heard hollow laughter. Turning, he saw The
Machine grinding along in slow, inexorable pursuit. The
Machine, seeing him turn, laughed again.
"You'll be back", it said, "Your kind always are."
Fred fled forth, into the desert.
or kill me