JUDAICA - Wisdom In Torah

Passover seder no longer took place at home, but in the synagogue,
under the direction of a rabbi, or teacher.
Observers note the extent to which the contemporary
American Jewish family, particularly in suburbia, became
child centered. While concern for the well-being and education
of children is basic to Jewish tradition, the child-oriented
behavior of American Jewish families is a more recent
phenomenon. This generation of American Jews was often
characterized by a Judaism that was for the young – children
attending Hebrew school at least until bar and bat mitzvah –
and the old – grandparents attending regularly as a routine
part of their lives.
Having acquired the economic means to provide more
than basic food, clothing and shelter, Jewish parents developed
a tendency to indulge their children with a surfeit of material
goods. This behavior is reflected, says Sklare (1971, p. 88), in
the expression “‘they gave their son everything.’ ‘Everything’
means the best of everything from the necessities to the luxuries:
it includes clothing, medical attention, entertainment, vacations,
schools and myriad other items.” In this same context,
observed Gordon, “The financial burdens that Jewish parents
in suburbia gladly bear for what they regard as the best interests
of their children is often astonishing [and sometimes
disturbing] to persons who are aware of the sacrifices these
entail” (Gordon, ibid., p. 65). Many second- and third-generation
American Jewish parents acknowledged that the very
move to suburbia was “for the sake of the children.”
Another example of child-focused family behavior was
reflected in the attitude towards ritual observance and Jewish
education. According to Sklare, any ritual that is centered
on the child is more likely to be retained by the family
(ibid., pp. 115, 116). This means that (1) the ritual activity must
provide an opportunity to directly involve the child, and (2) it
should convey “optimism, fun, and gratification.” The Passover
seder and the lighting of candles at Hanukkah are two oftencited
examples. Toward the end of the 20th century, Sukkot
experienced an increase in the percentage of observance as
Jews had land and backyards where they could build a sukkah
and it was a family centered, do-it-yourself activity, a perfect
suburban project. This understanding of ritual correlates religious
practice with the interests of children. Consequently,
within the year of their youngest child’s bar or bat mitzvah,
many parents discontinued their child’s formal Jewish education,
choosing not to renew their synagogue membership, to
curtail their other Jewish communal activities, and sometimes
to reduce the family’s observance of home rituals.
In their respective analyses of Jewish suburban life, Gans
(ibid., p. 233) and Gordon (ibid., pp. 19, 59–60) discuss changes
in the family that developed with respect to both males and
females in the mid 20th Century. According to Gans:
In the suburb… the men’s daytime absence shifts a much greater
role in its affairs to the women, except in functions requiring
business skills, and aspirations such as power…[Women’s’] concern
with Jewish education seems also to be stronger than that
of the men…This is a major shift from the traditional Jewish
family, american jewish
family organization in which the father, as religious leader of
the household, supervised the children’s education for an adult
community in which he himself was playing a role.
In response to their husbands’ preoccupation with earning a
living, claims Gordon, suburban Jewish women in the postwar
era began to take responsibility for matters for which their
husbands were once considered the sole authority in theory
if not in practice. This mirrored the responsibility that other
American women assumed for the transmission of culture.
My observation…, and particularly this intensive study of suburban
Jewish family life, leads to the conclusion that.… “all major
decisions are made by the husband while all the minor ones
are made by the wife.” The major decisions… deal with such
matters as war and peace, sputnik and satellites. The minor issues
include rearing the children and choosing their schools, the
particular synagogue with which to affiliate, the neighborhood
into which to move and the kind of home to buy.
The Jewish woman has acquired her new position of…
leadership by default… So completely engrossed in business
affairs… [the husband] generally gives little attention to spiritual
and cultural matters that involve his home and family. The
husband’s failure has led inevitably to the wife’s new status.
The geographic mobility among Jewish families in the postwar
era primarily reflects their relocation to the local suburbs,
not inter-state or cross country migration. It is true that from
the 1950s it became increasingly common for the corporate
breadwinner to be transferred great distances. However, since
many Jews remained excluded from the corporate sector during
these years, the voluntary move to the nearby suburbs was
far more common. Jewish families moved not only from the
city to the suburbs, but in time they also moved within and
between suburbs. As its income rose, it was not uncommon for
a family to sell its home in a less expensive section of one suburb
and move to a higher status area within the same suburb.
Naturally, families also moved from lower to higher status suburbs.
Kramer and Levantman note that the “securely American
status of the third generation and its increasing mobility
have released it from old ties and community sentiments….”
The Mid-1960s to the 1980s
By the middle of the 1960s Jewish family life in America appeared
to have reached the zenith of prosperity and security.
From a historical perspective, few, if any other Jewish communities
could claim to feel so well integrated into surrounding
society. Sklare (1971) contends that this very success resulted
in “[a] paucity of substantial research studies on the American-Jewish
family…The Jewish family constellation has not
created social problems in the general society. In fact it has
done just the opposite: the Jewish family seems to have solved
problems rather than caused them” (p. 73).
But all was not perfect. Acculturation and integration
came with a price. “As upward mobility pushed immigrants’
children to the suburbs, their parents were linked to memories
of dark stairways, stale smells, cramped apartments, loud
voices, and barbarous accents. In comparison, blending into a
bland mainstream was a big step forward. With so much dis-
ENCYCLOPAEDIA JUDAICA, Second Edition, Volume 6 701