Managing Sticky Situations at Work

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Sticky Situations with Subordinates 81from an orientation of the Three C’s—change, compassion, andcuriosity—managers with high EQ scores excel as disciplinarians.FACTORS INHERENT IN ANY DISCIPLINARY CONVERSATIONState Behaviors That Must Change. When we specify behaviors inthe SIJR Conversation, we identify the behaviors in a way that clearlycommunicates what we are talking about.Example: ‘‘Sheila, you are turning in your quarterly reports later andlater. We did not receive this period’s report until two days after thefinal deadline. I cannot turn in the entire team’s numbers until I getyour data. It’s embarrassing to me when every quarter ours is the lastreport submitted. I must have your report by the fifteenth of themonth and no later.’’This example provides Sheila with information about what behaviorher boss expects as well as what problems her behavior caused upthe line.Keep the Other Person in Mind. Stone et al., in Difficult Conversations:How to Discuss What Matter’s Most, talk about telling yourstory as well as listening to the other person’s story. In a disciplinaryconversation, we open our minds to the possibility of what the authorsrefer to as the third story. 5 Your organization may have rules that mayno longer prove productive. When you allow employees to share theirfrustrations, you open up the possibility to the existence of administrativebarriers that block productivity.Select the Right Time and Place. We all remember our dread whenour teachers sent us to the principal’s office. As children, we recognizedthe principal’s office as a place of power where we did notbelong. Before delivering the bad news, think about the place andthe time. Find a place that feels safe to the other person. If you workin the world of cubicles, go to one of the conference rooms.Be careful not to share bad news when the person is experiencing apersonal crisis or about to give an important presentation. Select atimethatwillenableyoutohaveanopendialogue.Ifthetimeyouselect adds pressure, the dialogue will shut down.Stress Positive Consequences. Often when dealing with performanceissues, we think only in the negative. Our challenge is to comeup with positive consequences. The behavioral psychologists tell usthat mice respond to shocks, but they also tell us mice respond to bitsof food. Positive consequences create a willingness to change.
82 Managing Sticky Situations at WorkNegative consequences produce a short-term willingness to changeonly when the axe is hanging over our heads.Example: ‘‘Sheila, if you would get your report to me by the fifteenth,I can complete the team stats in time for us to win the competition.If we win this quarter, our stats will appear in the companynewsletter. That recognition might be the boost you’ve been lookingfor to get your promotion.’’This case is adapted from one that appears in Difficult Conversations 6Boss: ‘‘I wanted to talk to you about my presentation for Client X.You packed the wrong storyboards. The situation was unbelievablyawkward and made me look like a fool. We simply can’t work thisway.’’Assistant: ‘‘I heard about that incident. I’m very sorry. I just, well,you probably don’t want to hear my excuses.’’Boss: ‘‘I don’t understand how you could have let this happen. Itrust you to do your job, and now I don’t know what to think.’’Assistant: ‘‘I am really sorry.’’Boss: ‘‘I know you didn’t do it on purpose, and I know you feelbadly, but I don’t want this to happen again, ever. You understandwhat I’m saying?’’Assistant: ‘‘It won’t happen again. I promise you.’’In this situation the boss is ‘‘assuming’’ he is right and the assistant isthe one to blame for what went wrong. He is also assuming that itwon’t happen again. What do you think? Neither person has tried todiscover what really happened.Let’s try rewriting the situation above. This time we will try not toassume who is right or wrong, and we will avoid placing blame.Boss: ‘‘We need to talk about what happened when I made the presentationto Client X.’’Assistant: ‘‘I heard about that incident. I’m really sorry about whathappened.’’Boss: ‘‘As you can imagine, I was very embarrassed to be there withthe wrong storyboards. What went wrong?’’Assistant: ‘‘I think you earmarked the wrong presentation for thatclient. I usually recheck because with so much going on, we all get
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ContentsIllustrationsviiAcknowledgm
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AcknowledgmentsAs a disclaimer, all
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xiiIntroductionis the word that oft
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xivIntroduction4. You supervise a g
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Chapter 1The Say It Just Right (SIJ
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The Say It Just Right (SIJR) Model
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Chapter 2Personality OverlayAtthiss
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Personality Overlay 19BOLD PERSONAL
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Personality Overlay 21energy seems
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Larry is clearly a Technical person
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Personality Overlay 25‘‘John kn
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Personality Overlay 27Resolve the I
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Chapter 10Sticky Etiquette Situatio
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202 Appendix 14. True5. False6. Fal
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204 Appendix 1Strategic interviewer
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206 Appendix 2360 By Design®—Des
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IndexAdjourning Stage in groups, 10
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Index 211hot seat, 35-39How Good a
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Index 213Teenage Daughter Is Busted
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Managing Sticky Situations at Work

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