Managing Sticky Situations at Work

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Sticky Situations in Meetings 105meet once more with the architect and the contractor. If that meetingalso fails, Reuben cannot agree to participate on the project.Reuben examines the power sources. Reuben believes FJ has allthe power. He has put a huge project to the table. If this project succeeds,Reuben could double his revenues. On the other hand, Reubenoffers a unique talent. The design community regards Reuben’s firmhighly for its state-of-the-art creativity in modern structures. Reubenknows that FJ admires his reputation and will be hard pressed to finda firm of equal quality and reliability.PERSONALITY OVERLAYUnderstanding the different personalities in any group is veryimportant. Imagine a group of all Bolds, for example. During theForming Stage, Reuben must examine the individual behaviors inorder to ascertain the personality styles represented. Marsha Malonebrought plans to the meeting, and she responded to questions withfacts and structural elements. She is likely a Technical. The contractorinterrupted the architect while speaking and at one point he got upand paced the room. Those behaviors suggest a Bold personality. FJmight be an Expressive personality because he seemed uncomfortableand impatient with the arguing. Had he been a Bold, he would havesimply told the others to be quiet and stated his position.SIJR CONVERSATION LEADING TO A SECOND MEETINGReuben places a call to FJ an hour after the meeting abruptly ended.‘‘I apologize that the group meeting failed this morning. How doyou propose we proceed?’’ he asks. (Invites FJ to talk.)FJ says, ‘‘Are you willing to work with my people?’’‘‘My problem is I need cooperation between the major players, inthis case the architect and the contractor. I did not see that this morning,but I don’t believe we gave it a chance. It seemed to me when youmet with the architect before we all had a chance to talk, you unwittinglyshut out both my input and that of the contractor. For us towork as a team, we all need to be on the same page. What is your takeon this?’’ (Specifies the problem and sets limits.)‘‘My boss calls me every day. He wants to see some measurableprogress. It took me months to identify the best players for this job.I’m confident I found them in each of these firms. Marsha and I brieflydiscussed what I’d like to see. I had no idea she’d come armed with
106 Managing Sticky Situations at Workpreliminary plans. I’m sure, however, she was responding to pressurefrom me to get this thing off the ground.’’‘‘It takes time for people to develop a trusting working relationship.I’m as frustrated as you are. I was excited and enthusiastic to be a partof this project. It’s a great opportunity for my firm. I have to say, however,I cannot be part of any team that doesn’t cooperate. I’ve learnedthat lesson the hard way. I don’t have time to do things over and overbecause the architect and the contractor or the contractor and the clientdisagree. That was why I wanted us to meet in the first place.’’ (Joinsfeelings with facts and respecifies the problem with consequences.)‘‘I sure as hell don’t want to waste time or money doing anythingover. Let’s try and meet again. I’ll contact Marsha and tell her not todraw up any plans until we all have a chance to talk. How does thatsound?’’ (Client suggests a resolution.)They agree to meet the next day at the same time.ANALYSISLet’s examine how Reuben handled the conversation with FJ. Byapologizing in the beginning, he softened FJ, who may have still beenangry over the failed morning meeting.Specify the Problem. Instead of specifying the problem immediately,Reuben began by inviting FJ to share how he’d like to proceed.Reuben took a risk in doing this. FJ might have said that he wanted tofire all three firms and find someone else. Reuben trusted his reputationand determined that FJ wanted to hear another option. Once FJasked the question, ‘‘Are you willing to work with my people?’’ itwas clear to Reuben that FJ not only wanted to keep him but was alsowilling to discuss options. At that point Reuben specified the problemand set his limits.Invite the Other Person to Talk. Reuben invited FJ to talkimmediately when he asked him how he wanted to proceed. He listenedwhile FJ discussed the pressure his boss was putting on him.Join Feeling with Fact. Reuben shared his frustration with FJ aswell as his enthusiasm to work on this project. He stated that hecouldn’t work with players who fought among themselves. He combinedthe consequences with his feelings.Resolve the Issue. FJ came up with the resolution. Reuben listenedto FJ and shared his position enabling FJ to agree to a second meeting.When a client storms out of a meeting, the clear goal is to get the clientto meet again.
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ContentsIllustrationsviiAcknowledgm
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AcknowledgmentsAs a disclaimer, all
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xiiIntroductionis the word that oft
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xivIntroduction4. You supervise a g
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Chapter 1The Say It Just Right (SIJ
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The Say It Just Right (SIJR) Model
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Chapter 2Personality OverlayAtthiss
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Personality Overlay 19BOLD PERSONAL
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Personality Overlay 21energy seems
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Larry is clearly a Technical person
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Personality Overlay 25‘‘John kn
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Personality Overlay 27Resolve the I
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Chapter 10Sticky Etiquette Situatio
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Sticky Etiquette Situations 165Rita
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Sticky Etiquette Situations 167mone
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Her intent with this question was n
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202 Appendix 14. True5. False6. Fal
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204 Appendix 1Strategic interviewer
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206 Appendix 2360 By Design®—Des
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IndexAdjourning Stage in groups, 10
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Index 211hot seat, 35-39How Good a
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Index 213Teenage Daughter Is Busted
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