Managing Sticky Situations at Work

50 Managing Sticky Situations at Work‘‘I’m sorry about that. I overreacted because I felt you should knowwhat to do. With my new job responsibilities I can’t do as much foryou anymore, but I’ll gladly do what I can. Nevertheless, it’s up toyou to do the bulk of the work. I’ll just be there to take a look atyour final product until you feel comfortable. Okay?’’ (Restating herlimits.)‘‘Why don’t you start by looking at what I presented and tell mewhere I went right or wrong?’’ Dale suggests.‘‘Fine. E-mail me what you have. I will be out of town again, startingon Monday. But, I’ll look at it over the weekend.’’Dale gets up. ‘‘Thanks for coming by to talk about this. I didn’t likethe way things ended either.’’Samantha smiles. ‘‘Let’s start over. This time, I’ll be clearer aboutwhat I can and cannot do. But you must agree to do most of the work.I can tweak what you’ve done just to make sure you don’t step on anyland mines. Suppose I agree to do that for the next two weeks. Afterthat, you’re on your own. Trust me. You’ll be running this place likea pro in no time. You’re already doing the job much better than Idid; particularly handling those pesky personnel issues.’’‘‘That sounds like a good plan. Let’s have coffee when you getback,’’ Dale suggests.ANALYSISWhen Samantha began the conversation, Dale was angry. After shespecified the problem, shared her feelings, and invited him to talk, hebegan to soften. Her Sympathetic style enabled her to listen to himand to ask him direct questions to get him to open up. Expressiveslike to talk and to share. She gave him an opportunity to rehash whathappened.Specify the Problem. The actual problem was not the most recentissue; instead it went deeper, namely, Dale’s dependency on Samantha.When Samantha took responsibility for that dependency, Dalerelaxed. If she had blamed him or accused him of not trying to dothe job, she would have made him angrier and more defensive. Oftenin these kinds of situations we look at the surface problem and reactto that, rather than address the deeper issue as Samantha did.Invite the Other Person to Talk. Again, with an Expressive,she had no trouble getting Dale to talk. Nonetheless, Samantha’s willingnessto admit responsibility unleashed Dale’s true feelings. She