Managing Sticky Situations at Work

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Sticky Romantic Situations in the Office 137‘‘But, I really like sales. I’m not sure I’d be happy in anotherdivision.’’Calvin straightens up in his chair. ‘‘I sense that leaving would distressyou a great deal. That is something I really don’t want to beresponsible for.’’She turns toward him. ‘‘But if we are really right for each other, itwould be worth it. I’m willing to take the risk if you are.’’He laughs. ‘‘Who could turn that down?’’ He adds, ‘‘You know, ofcourse, you don’t have to leave. Who knows, I might find somethingelse.’’ He pauses. ‘‘Let’s just see where things take us. There are plentyof other options. I could see you working in the marketing and promotionsdivision. That would be a logical step anyway, and it wouldmean less travel. I’d like that,’’ he says with a laugh. (Suggests otherresolutions.)Melissa raises her brows. ‘‘Yes, that might be a good option. So longas I can work with people. I’d hate to be shut away in front of a computerall day, that’s all. And, actually, I enjoy the travel. But, I mustadmit, it has been a bit much. My cat misses me a lot.’’ (Respondingto the idea of change.)They both laugh. ‘‘So,’’ he says, ‘‘how about dinner tomorrownight?’’‘‘Let’s wait until the weekend. I want to give all this a bit morethought. I can’t quite get used to the idea of dating you.’’They agree.ANALYSISIt took great courage for Calvin to broach Melissa the way he did.Not being a Bold, he had trouble getting right to the matter. Oncehe did, however, he clearly told her how he felt. He put the burdenof the situation on himself. She responded positively. He invited herto talk on several occasions. As the conversation went on she seemedto soften to the idea and showed a willingness to take the risks. Calvin’sgoal was to share his feelings and determine how she felt. Heaccomplished that. He did not want to lose her in his division, buthe recognized that if their relationship turned romantic, their work situationwould need to change. Being a Sympathetic, he listened to herfeelings and was ready to do whatever it took to make her comfortable.At the end of the conversation, he risked asking her to dinner, butshe put him off. It made sense for her to want to give the idea of datingher boss more thought.
138 Managing Sticky Situations at WorkSpecify the Problem. Calvin not only shared how he felt aboutMelissa, but he also specified that he worried about being inappropriateor unprofessional if he didn’t tell her how he felt. That was the realproblem.Invite the Other Person to Talk. Calvin asked Melissa to talkimmediately. He wanted to hear her feelings which, as an Expressive,she had no trouble sharing.Join Feelings with Facts. Calvin allowed himself to open up andshare his feelings, but he did so by critically examining the facts. Heclearly stated that if they became involved, their work situation wouldhave to change. He let her know, however, how much he and his bossvalued her work.Resolve the Issue. Melissa came up with the solution to moveslowly. She seemed to warm to the idea as the conversation progressed.When she thought about leaving her job, she became sad,but after thinking more, she decided she could work elsewhere andbe happy. She made the decision to take the risk. Calvin had alreadymade that decision by talking to her in the first place.CONCLUSIONWhen dealing with sticky romantic situations, many issues comeinto play. In the first case we saw that Dave decided to gently rebuffthe romantic overtures by Roberta. Even though Dave found Robertaattractive and her flirtations stimulating, he chose not to take the hugerisks of losing his family and his job by getting romantically involvedwith his boss.The second situation involved two people whose relationshipaffected the work of others. Dr. Jordan could not let the coupledestroy morale or cause problems up the line. He spoke to them in anonjudgmental but clear manner, stipulating that one of them mustleave in order to prevent further erosion in the department. Saying itjust right enabled the couple to drop their defenses and to make adecision that would satisfy all parties.The final situation involved an unmarried superior who wasattracted to an unmarried subordinate. In this situation, the couplehad to look at the risks together to decide a course of action they couldboth accept. By saying it just right, Calvin expressed his feelings andmaintained his professionalism.
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ContentsIllustrationsviiAcknowledgm
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AcknowledgmentsAs a disclaimer, all
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xiiIntroductionis the word that oft
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xivIntroduction4. You supervise a g
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Chapter 1The Say It Just Right (SIJ
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The Say It Just Right (SIJR) Model
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Chapter 2Personality OverlayAtthiss
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Personality Overlay 19BOLD PERSONAL
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Personality Overlay 21energy seems
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Larry is clearly a Technical person
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Personality Overlay 25‘‘John kn
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Personality Overlay 27Resolve the I
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Chapter 5Sticky Situations with Cli
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Chapter 6Sticky Situations with Sub
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Sticky Situations with Subordinates
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202 Appendix 14. True5. False6. Fal
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204 Appendix 1Strategic interviewer
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206 Appendix 2360 By Design®—Des
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IndexAdjourning Stage in groups, 10
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Index 211hot seat, 35-39How Good a
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Index 213Teenage Daughter Is Busted
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