Managing Sticky Situations at Work

60 Managing Sticky Situations at Workin sentences like, ‘‘These questions are rude or unprofessional,’’ or ‘‘Idon’t like to gossip.’’ Maria was already defensive. Beth used compassionto keep Maria from getting angry. She listened to Maria’s justificationfor her behavior in a nonjudgmental way.Maria admitted she might not be able to change her behavior.Together the two teachers came up with a method to enable Mariato gauge herself.Finally, Beth played on Maria’s desire to be liked. She let her knowwhat she could do to enable Beth to work with her. Being an Expressivepersonality, who wants to get along with everyone, Mariaresponded positively to Beth’s gentle criticism.Specify the Problem. Beth avoided using ‘‘you’’ statements. Shepointed out that Maria’s style and her style were different. Sherefrained from being judgmental, but at the same time, she statedclearly what she found uncomfortable.Invite the Other Person to Talk. Even though it would have beeneasy for Beth to tell Maria what she wanted, namely, not to ask herpersonal questions, she listened attentively to Maria’s side of the story.By so doing, she learned that Maria knew she sometimes went over theline. She, thereby, managed to engage Maria in the solution.Join Feeling with Fact. Several times Beth said she was ‘‘uncomfortable.’’She used a neutral feeling word. Furthermore, she pointedout that these feelings jeopardized their ability to work together. Shemanaged to stay focused and share her feelings even though Mariawas on the brink of tears. Many of us would have backed off whenMaria started to cry. Beth did not.Resolve the Issue. Beth sought a solution that would work forMaria. As the conversation progressed she realized that Maria wouldhave to change her personality style. To ask someone to change whothey are is asking more than most of us can deliver. Beth persisted withMaria until they came up with a mutually acceptable, realistic solution—a signal that made it easy for Maria to recognize Beth’s limits in anonthreatening way.CONCLUSIONAs we’ve seen in this chapter sticky situations with co-workers take alot of forethought. In the first situation, Samantha allowed a bad situationto go on for too long. It nearly ruined a good relationship. In thesecond situation, Laura attacked the problem with Patricia’s deception