Managing Sticky Situations at Work

Sticky Romantic Situations in the Office 133Both agree to what they’ve discussed. ‘‘Again, Roxanne, I’ll doeverything I can to help you locate a new position. I’m sure this willall work out with time,’’ says Dr. Jordan.ANALYSISOf course, Dr. Jordan cannot force Roxanne and Larry to be morediscreet. He cannot make them curtail their acts of affection in public.But, he can adjust the schedule to enable them to work different shifts.He can also do everything in his power to transfer Roxanne to anotherdepartment or hospital.Furthermore, during the SIJR Conversation, Dr. Jordan carefullyavoided being judgmental with either party, particularly with Dr.Stewart. He simply told him what might happen if he did not confessto his wife. He didn’t say it was right to talk to her and wrong to havean affair. Both Stewart and Mosley were defensive enough withoutmaking accusations. Technicals tend to be judgmental. It took allDr. Jordan’s strength of character to refrain from his natural tendencyto judge. In so doing, he got them past their defensiveness andfocused on trying to resolve the problem in a professional manner.He pushed them to come up with solutions they could abide.Specify the Problem. Being a Technical, Jordan had little difficultyquickly specifying the problem in clear, unemotional terms. Bothdoctors, particularly Dr. Stewart, responded defensively right away.Dr. Jordan expected that response. He did not, however, want Stewart’sdefensiveness to escalate into anger.Invite Others to Talk. When Dr. Jordan asked them what wouldresolve the problem, he invited them to share solutions with him. Hedid not ask them to talk about their relationship. He wanted them tofocus on the future and come up with a solution. He had to push themby inviting them to talk about solutions several times. At first theycould only see the obvious solutions, namely, leave or end the affair.It wasn’t until they became less defensive that they opened their eyesto other options to resolve the problem.Join Feeling with Fact. Dr. Jordan joined feeling with fact when hetalked to Dr. Stewart about opening up to his wife. He also shared hisfrustration when the couple continued to respond defensively withoutsharing ideas for resolution.Resolve the Issue. Once the couple suggested ideas that couldresolve the problem, Dr. Jordan listened and waited until the end ofthe SIJR Conversation before he tossed in his ideas.