Managing Sticky Situations at Work

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Sticky Romantic Situations in the Office 1213. We spend most of our waking hours at work. Research shows thatmost of our friends are people with whom we work. Naturally wemight find our soul mate among those friends at work.4. The workplace is a safe environment for meeting people in contrastto bars or internet encounters.5. People are thrown together to work on projects. They depend onand trust one anther to carry out tasks. As the proverbial saying goes,one thing leads to another.6. At work you meet people with similar interests. An attorney whodefends the downtrodden lives by certain values as a person. Howdoes that attorney find a partner with similar values? Most likely heor she will run into that ideal person at work. Work puts us next topeople similar to us.STICKY SITUATIONS AND SEXUAL HARASSMENTThe new workplace, where men and women work together in allkinds of situations, begs the question, What does sexual harassmentmean? Unfortunately the laws do not always help us understand theanswer to this question.The Federal Equal Employment Opportunity Commission hasdefined sexual harassment as ‘‘unwelcome sexual advances, requestsfor sexual favors, and other verbal or physical conduct of a sexualnature when submission to or rejection of such conduct is used asthe basis for employment decisions ...or such conduct has the purposeor effect of creating an intimidating, hostile or offensive workingenvironment.’’ 6You may read what the law says and ask yourself, how do I knowwhat constitutes an intimidating or hostile environment? The firstpart of the law clearly states that if you request sexual favors forsomething in return for something else, or quid pro quo, you violatethe law. As the following example illustrates, the second part is lessstraightforward.Phyllis recently ended a relationship with her co-worker, Martin.They had lived together for over a year. When things soured, Phyllistold Martin she wanted to end the relationship, and she askedhim to move out. Because they work together, Martin and Phyllissee each other every day. As sales representatives for a large drugcompany, they travel separately to different territories, but whenin the office, they work side by side. Martin did not want to breakup the relationship. He vowed he loved Phyllis. Now that the
122 Managing Sticky Situations at Workaffair is over, Phyllis notices that she can’t get rid of Martin. Hehangs around her desk. He touches her intimately as if they werestill involved. She tells him to stop and pushes him away when hetries to kiss her. Martin does not get the message. The last timehe came to her office, she told him if he continued to hang out inher cubicle and attempted to kiss her, she would file a sexual harassmentcomplaint. Martin laughed and said, ‘‘Who’ll believeyou. Everyone knows we’re an item.’’Is Phyllis justified in filing a complaint against Martin? After all, shehad been romantically involved with him, and as he said, everyone inthe office knew of their affair.Even so, the law says when behaviors are sexual and unwelcome, asin the case with Phyllis and Martin, sexual harassment exists. If Phylliswants to file a complaint, she has several choices in terms of levels ofseverity:1. Make a strong assertion to Martin. Clearly indicate what behaviorsshe finds offensive and what she wants him to stop doing.2. Document the conversations she’s had with Martin and documenthis offensive behaviors. Consult her company’s sexual harassmentguidelines and talk to her Human Resources manager.3. If Martin continues to ignore Phyllis, she will have no choice but totake the complaint to her boss.Sticky situations involving sexual harassment can disrupt the entireoperations of a company. One main difficulty with any office relationshipis how it makes others feel. You can report sexual harassment evenwhen you were not the target of a sexually harassing behavior. If youwitness something and find it offensive, you can file a complaint underthe law. Harassment as well as consensual office romances that involvemajor players in the company and/or married people can have a negativeeffect on morale.DETERMINE THE COSTSThe SIJR Model begins with the Decision Points. The first decisionpoint is to determine the costs. Before we look at individual situationsinvolving office relationships, let’s lookatthetypicalcostsinvolvedwhen deciding whether or not to engage in an office romance.We all know the risks when we decide to have a relationship with amarried person or when we decide to flirt with our boss. What are
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ContentsIllustrationsviiAcknowledgm
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AcknowledgmentsAs a disclaimer, all
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xiiIntroductionis the word that oft
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xivIntroduction4. You supervise a g
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Chapter 1The Say It Just Right (SIJ
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The Say It Just Right (SIJR) Model
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Chapter 2Personality OverlayAtthiss
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Personality Overlay 19BOLD PERSONAL
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Personality Overlay 21energy seems
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Larry is clearly a Technical person
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Personality Overlay 25‘‘John kn
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Personality Overlay 27Resolve the I
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Chapter 5Sticky Situations with Cli
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202 Appendix 14. True5. False6. Fal
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204 Appendix 1Strategic interviewer
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206 Appendix 2360 By Design®—Des
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IndexAdjourning Stage in groups, 10
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Index 211hot seat, 35-39How Good a
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Index 213Teenage Daughter Is Busted
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