Managing Sticky Situations at Work

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The Say It Just Right (SIJR) Model 15data to show you that indicate how valuable our product will be toyour company. I predict quick results. But, I must tell you I amuncomfortable meeting outside the office. I’m curious to know, fromyour viewpoint, how do you want us to work together?’’ (He specifiedthe problem, invited her to talk, and joined feelings withfact.)Sandra taps her desk with her finger. ‘‘I’m not sure I understandwhat you mean.’’‘‘I’m talking about the meeting last night over dinner. That kind ofout-of-office meeting troubles me, and I’m wondering how you felt.’’(He is showing curiosity and compassion and not asking her tochange.)Sandra smiles. ‘‘Obviously you’ve never worked with a familyownedcompany. In our business everyone is family. We talk aboutembracing our employees and customers. I’ve always maintained avery warm office environment.’’Roger uncrosses his legs and shifts forward. ‘‘You’re right. I haven’tworked for a company that’s as chummy as you describe. Most arepretty stiff. I guess my style is pretty stiff, too. After all, I’m a techie.’’Sandra laughs and he does, too. ‘‘How can we deal with this issue? Iwant to be responsive to you, but it’s hard for me when I feel uncomfortable.’’(He is asking for her ideas to resolve the issue.)Sandra says, ‘‘I realize that our company culture might be a little offputtingto some people. I really like what your product can do for usand am willing to explore what we can work out.’’ She sighs. ‘‘ Let’ssee. Why don’t we meet for coffee once a month? Is a coffee meetingtoo intimate for you?’’Roger responds: ‘‘That sounds great. I’ll try to be more relaxed andmaybe as I get used to your style, it will be easier. But, evening meetingsare just not going to work for me.’’ (The resolution soundsgood to him and he restates his limits.)Sandra: ‘‘I get it. No worries.’’They set a time for their next morning meeting.Roger shakes Sandra’s hand before leaving. ‘‘I’m glad we talkedabout this. I want our business relationship to flourish, and I don’t wantany misunderstandings.’’ (He ends with positive consequences.)In this chapter we’ve laid the foundation for the SIJR Model. Weexamined the Three C’s (change, compassion, and curiosity) and theDecision Points (costs, limits, and power). We also introduced theSIJR Conversation. Before we look at other sticky situations in which
16 Managing Sticky Situations at Workwe will apply the SIJR Model, we must examine one additional issue:how different personality types affect communication.NOTES1. Richard Huseman, Readings in Business Communication: Strategiesand Skills (Hinsdale, IL: Dryden Press, 1981).2. Albert Mehrabian and Morton Weiner, Language Within Language(New York: Appleton-Century-Crofts, 1968).3. Sharon Anthony Bower and Gorden H. Bower, Asserting Yourself: APractical Guide for Positive Change (Reading, MA: Perseus Books, 1991).4. Phil Harkins, Powerful Conversations: How High Impact Leaders Communicate(New York: McGraw Hill, 1999), 98.5. Ibid., 75.6. Laura Whitworth, Karen Kimsey-House, Henry Kimsey-House, andPhillip Sandahl, Co-Active Coaching: New Skills for Coaching People towardSuccess in Work and Life (Mountain View, CA: Davies-Black Publishing,2007), 34–36.7. Douglas Stone, Bruce Patton, and Sheila Heen, Difficult Conversations:How to Discuss What Matters Most (New York: Penguin Books, 2000),149–50.
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Page 8: ContentsIllustrationsviiAcknowledgm
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Page 15 and 16: xiiIntroductionis the word that oft
Page 17 and 18: xivIntroduction4. You supervise a g
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Page 22 and 23: The Say It Just Right (SIJR) Model
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Page 38 and 39: Personality Overlay 19BOLD PERSONAL
Page 40 and 41: Personality Overlay 21energy seems
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Page 46: Personality Overlay 27Resolve the I
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Chapter 6Sticky Situations with Sub
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Sticky Situations with Subordinates
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Chapter 7Sticky Situations in Meeti
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Chapter 8Sticky Romantic Situations
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Sticky Romantic Situations in the O
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Chapter 10Sticky Etiquette Situatio
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204 Appendix 1Strategic interviewer
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206 Appendix 2360 By Design®—Des
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IndexAdjourning Stage in groups, 10
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Index 211hot seat, 35-39How Good a
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Index 213Teenage Daughter Is Busted
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