Managing Sticky Situations at Work

80 Managing Sticky Situations at WorkGoleman found that managers who understood feelings and emotionsbecame more successful leaders. A high EQ score means youare a manager who strives to learn more about yourself and yourbehaviors in order to improve your skills as a person, not just as aleader. In essence, you learn to care about yourself and about othersat the same time.The Arbinger Institute confirms this insight in its book Leadershipand Self-Deception: Getting Out of the Box. The authors discuss treatingpeople as people and not as objects. The book helps leaders recognizewhen they lead from the inside out, that is, inside the box, ratherthan leading from the outside in or outside the box. 4 Leaders who leadfrom inside the box have low EQ scores and are blind to how theiractions affect others.This chapter explores two types of sticky situations with subordinates.The first examines a disciplinary situation. The second looks athow to tell someone something they do not want to hear.HOW TO DISCIPLINE USING THE SIJR MODELGiven what Gallup and Gilbreath learned about leaders and whatDaniel Goleman and the Arbinger Institute tell us about EmotionalIntelligence, how can those of us who want to be good managerseffectively discipline employees?Discipline carries a negative connotation fraught with memories oftrips to the principal’s office or of scolding words from our parents.An empathetic manager with a high EQ score might find discipliningtough. In answer to the question—how can we manage with compassionand still discipline—we must understand exactly what disciplinemeans.TheworddisciplinecomesfromtheLatinworddiciplina,meaning disciple. Wikipedia tells us that discipline has as its root discere‘‘to learn,’’ and derives from discipulus, or pupil. A disciple, therefore,is a follower or a student. Similarly, to discipline someone meansto teach that person. The early 1990s brought a plethora of literatureabout discipline without punishment in an effort to show that disciplineand punishment do not necessarily go together. In fact, whiledisciplining, a good manager learns to communicate expected behaviorsin an open, clear, and direct manner. To discipline, you mustemploy the principles of the SIJR Conversation; namely, you want tocreate a two-way dialogue about what you expect and what is possiblefrom both the manager’s and the employee’s perspective. Coming