Managing Sticky Situations at Work

More documents

Recommendations

Info

Sticky Etiquette Situations 163she started over. She specified the problem with an acknowledgmentof the positive consequences for working as a team during thisconference. He picked right up on that. She could have ended the discussiononce she got his willingness to work together, but she recognizedthat she had not broached the real problem—his inappropriatebehavior.Had she begun by addressing his tendency to say unprofessionalthings to her, she might have lost him. His constant teasing protectedhim from talking seriously with her. She had to break that down beforeshe could get to the real issue. With genuine curiosity, she wonderedwhat she did that stirred him to tease her so hard. Once heopened up, she showed compassion but within her limits. She saidshe understood him better and recognized he was not saying thosethings to deliberately hurt her. Nonetheless, she told him his behaviorwas unacceptable. Her curiosity and compassion enabled her to drawhim in to help resolve the problem. Knowing Brad and the fact thathe behaves this way with all women, it is doubtful that this one conversationwill change his behavior. For that reason Belinda suggestedthat she would immediately let him know when she felt he’d crossedthe line.Specify the Problem. She began in more general terms. She toldhim she didn’t like the way he openly flirted with her. Later she clarifiedwhat troubled her: talking about her clothes, her hair, her body,and how she smells.Invite the Other Person to Talk. Being a Bold, Belinda struggledto remain patient. When Brad evaded her invitations to talk, however,she pushed him. Finally, once he told her the way he ‘‘cut up’’ with hissisters, Belinda gained a better understanding of him.Join Feeling with Fact. Again being a Bold, it was hard for Belindato verbalize how the lewd comments made her feel. When she recognizedthat Brad wasn’t getting it, she put her feelings into nonexplosivewords. She told him she felt put down and small. Once Bradheard her and explained that was not his intent, the conversation tooka turn.Resolve the Issue. Belinda understood that it would be difficult forBrad to change his behavior. He treats all women the same way. Evenhis wife, according to Brad, had grown accustomed to his behavior.Nonetheless, Belinda created awareness, and she set limits lettinghim know how to behave around her, particularly at the conference.
164 Managing Sticky Situations at WorkSTICKY SITUATION #21:HOW TO EXTRICATE YOURSELF FROM A TALKERRita is a software engineer. She spends a lot of her time at hercomputer. Her work demands intensity. When she’s in the middleof a project, it’s difficult for her to break away. Her co-worker,Art, is a training specialist. He helps orient people to the newsoftware designs that Rita’s department develops. Likable,friendlyArthasjustoneflaw.Hedoesnotrecognizewhenhe’soverstayed his welcome. Rita knows Art does not mean to interrupther. She suspects he gets bored or needs a break from his work.He spends much of the week on the road. While in the office, hebecomes restless and perhaps hungry for companionship. He comesinto Rita’s office, sits down, and talks. He could stay 30 minutesto an hour. Rita does not wish to hurt his feelings, but his ‘‘visits’’often come when she’s either trying to meet a deadline or in themiddle of a project that requires her full attention. She’s triedto gracefully extricate herself, but Art doesn’t get the message.Once when she told him she had an appointment and had toleave, he followed her out of the office, talking the entire time!APPLYING THE SAY IT JUST RIGHT MODELDECISION POINTSRita weighs the costs. Art comes into her office about once a weekand stays about 30 minutes. He travels the rest of the time. It annoysRita, but Art’s interruptions are not that frequent. If she talks to himabout it, he may get offended. If she offends him, he will stop comingto visit her. Rita realizes that if Art stops visiting her, it really wouldnot matter. She likes him; he’s friendly and personable, but he’s nota close friend. There are others in the office with whom he can talkand others she’d prefer to be with. Nonetheless, Rita does not wishto hurt Art’s feelings.Rita sets the limits. Rita realizes that she can work out a plan forArttotalkwithherthatfitsinwithherworkschedule.Shecannotalways know when she’ll be in the middle of a deadline, but if she createsa plan, she could gain control of these ‘‘unscheduled’’ visits. Shedecides that she will allow Art 30 minutes a week. Gaining a sense ofwhen he’ll come and for how long (it will have an end) releases herfrom permanently closing the door on him.
Page 2:
Managing StickySituations at WorkCo
Page 6 and 7:
Managing StickySituations at WorkCo
Page 8:
ContentsIllustrationsviiAcknowledgm
Page 12:
AcknowledgmentsAs a disclaimer, all
Page 15 and 16:
xiiIntroductionis the word that oft
Page 17 and 18:
xivIntroduction4. You supervise a g
Page 20 and 21:
Chapter 1The Say It Just Right (SIJ
Page 22 and 23:
The Say It Just Right (SIJR) Model
Page 24 and 25:
Page 26 and 27:
Page 28 and 29:
Page 30 and 31:
Page 32 and 33:
Page 34 and 35:
Page 36 and 37:
Chapter 2Personality OverlayAtthiss
Page 38 and 39:
Personality Overlay 19BOLD PERSONAL
Page 40 and 41:
Personality Overlay 21energy seems
Page 42 and 43:
Larry is clearly a Technical person
Page 44 and 45:
Personality Overlay 25‘‘John kn
Page 46:
Personality Overlay 27Resolve the I
Page 49 and 50:
30 Managing Sticky Situations at Wo
Page 51 and 52:
Page 53 and 54:
Page 55 and 56:
Page 57 and 58:
Page 59 and 60:
Page 61 and 62:
Page 63 and 64:
Page 65 and 66:
Page 67 and 68:
Page 69 and 70:
Page 71 and 72:
Page 73 and 74:
Page 75 and 76:
Page 77 and 78:
Page 79 and 80:
Page 82 and 83:
Chapter 5Sticky Situations with Cli
Page 84 and 85:
Sticky Situations with Clients 65Un
Page 86 and 87:
Sticky Situations with Clients 67
Page 88 and 89:
Sticky Situations with Clients 69ve
Page 90 and 91:
Sticky Situations with Clients 71
Page 92 and 93:
‘‘I’m glad to hear that. I wa
Page 94 and 95:
Sticky Situations with Clients 75fr
Page 96 and 97:
Sticky Situations with Clients 77AN
Page 98 and 99:
Chapter 6Sticky Situations with Sub
Page 100 and 101:
Sticky Situations with Subordinates
Page 102 and 103:
Page 104 and 105:
Page 106 and 107:
Page 108 and 109:
Page 110 and 111:
Page 112 and 113:
Page 114 and 115:
Page 116 and 117:
Chapter 7Sticky Situations in Meeti
Page 118 and 119:
Sticky Situations in Meetings 99you
Page 120 and 121:
Sticky Situations in Meetings 101
Page 122 and 123:
Sticky Situations in Meetings 103to
Page 124 and 125:
Sticky Situations in Meetings 105me
Page 126 and 127:
Sticky Situations in Meetings 107SA
Page 128 and 129:
Sticky Situations in Meetings 109wa
Page 130 and 131:
Sticky Situations in Meetings 111SA
Page 132 and 133: Sticky Situations in Meetings 113ac
Page 134 and 135: Sticky Situations in Meetings 115Al
Page 136 and 137: Sticky Situations in Meetings 117wh
Page 138 and 139: Chapter 8Sticky Romantic Situations
Page 140 and 141: Sticky Romantic Situations in the O
Page 158: Sticky Romantic Situations in the O
Page 161 and 162: 142 Managing Sticky Situations at W
Page 176 and 177: Chapter 10Sticky Etiquette Situatio
Page 178 and 179: Sticky Etiquette Situations 159not
Page 180 and 181: Sticky Etiquette Situations 161‘
Page 184 and 185: Sticky Etiquette Situations 165Rita
Page 186 and 187: Sticky Etiquette Situations 167mone
Page 188 and 189: Her intent with this question was n
Page 190 and 191: Sticky Etiquette Situations 171inte
Page 192: Sticky Etiquette Situations 173it i
Page 221 and 222: 202 Appendix 14. True5. False6. Fal
Page 223 and 224: 204 Appendix 1Strategic interviewer
Page 225 and 226: 206 Appendix 2360 By Design®—Des
Page 228 and 229: IndexAdjourning Stage in groups, 10
Page 230 and 231: Index 211hot seat, 35-39How Good a
Page 232:
Index 213Teenage Daughter Is Busted
show all

Managing Sticky Situations at Work

You also want an ePaper? Increase the reach of your titles

Delete template?

Save as template?