Managing Sticky Situations at Work

More documents

Recommendations

Info

The Say It Just Right (SIJR) Model 3what is said but also watch what is transmitted beyond the words, thenonverbal cues.VERBAL AND NONVERBAL COMMUNICATIONAccording to landmark research done by Albert Mehrabian atUCLA in the 1960s, 2 there are three distinct parts that comprise communication:Visual, Vocal, and Verbal. Studying massive numbers ofpeople over a series of years, he found that these three componentsimpact our messages differently. Visual communication gives the messagemore power than vocal communication, and vocal gives the messagemore power than verbal. If you skip, ignore, or shortchange oneof these three components, your message suffers.By visual communication we mean all the messages you get throughthe eyes: gestures, facial expressions, eye contact, personal appearance.Dr. Mehrabian found that 55 percent of communication comesthrough visual messages.By vocal communication we mean all the non-word sounds we make(including silence): um’s, sighs, laughs, chuckles, grunts, groans.Vocal also includes articulation, modulation, pacing. Dr. Mehrabianfound that 38 percent of communication comes through the ears.By verbal communication we mean the words or the content of themessage. Only 7 percent of communication comes through the content.In one of my workshops someone said, ‘‘But, that’s not right! Weshould pay more attention to the words than we do the actions.’’ Perhapswe should. But, do we? Ask any politician or anyone in the broadcastindustry. They will confirm the importance of visual and vocal(i.e., nonverbal) communication. There are people who make a livingpreparing defendants for jury trials. They do not tell them what tosay but how to say it and how to ‘‘appear.’’ When we talk about nonverbalcommunication, we mean the combination of the visual andvocal messages (93 percent). Confident communicators hear thewords, and they heed the nonverbal cues. From those cues they discoverthe feelings behind the words.What nonverbal cues do you notice in this sticky situation?Roger is heading for a dinner meeting with one of his newest clients.He recently sold her an innovative computer software system.She requested that they get together to discuss the rollout inher company.
4 Managing Sticky Situations at WorkRoger walks into the restaurant and finds Sandra seated at atable. She is holding a glass of wine. When he enters, she smilesand lifts her glass to him. ‘‘We should celebrate our new relationshipand many more years of work together,’’ she says. Rogersmiles and agrees. He pulls out a chair across from her. In asmall, almost imperceptible movement, she slides her chairtoward his. ‘‘Drinks are on me,’’ she says.The waiter, who is standing ready, nods to Roger, who orders aglass of soda. Sandra raises an eyebrow. ‘‘Come on, Roger, relax.Have a drink with me to celebrate.’’ She leans toward him andclicks her glass on his water glass. Roger agrees to one glass ofwhite wine. He pulls out his laptop and clicks onto the softwareintroductory proposal. Sandra brushes the hair from her foreheadand says, ‘‘For heaven sakes, before we get into all that, I’d like tolearn more about you. Tell me what you like to do when you’renot working?’’ Her eyes bore into him.How might you interpret the nonverbal messages Sandra sent toRoger?• Her signals suggest anything from a simple relaxed friendship to apossible seduction.• She encourages him with smiles, raised eyebrow, movement in hisdirection, informal touching of her hair.• Her words say she wants to celebrate. Her actions suggest a littlemore.How might you interpret the nonverbal messages Roger sent toSandra?• He sits across from her, not next to her, suggesting a formal meeting.• He orders a nonalcoholic drink, suggesting he’s working.• He pulls out his laptop immediately. He wants to work.When you find yourself in a situation where you communicate onetype of relationship and the other person communicates another—and where the messages are primarily nonverbal—watch out.As preamble to talking your way out of this sticky situation andavoiding the potential land mines, let’s examine what makes communicationsuccessful. Even the best model will fail if we do not approachthe situation effectively.
Page 2: Managing StickySituations at WorkCo
Page 6 and 7: Managing StickySituations at WorkCo
Page 8: ContentsIllustrationsviiAcknowledgm
Page 12: AcknowledgmentsAs a disclaimer, all
Page 15 and 16: xiiIntroductionis the word that oft
Page 17 and 18: xivIntroduction4. You supervise a g
Page 20 and 21: Chapter 1The Say It Just Right (SIJ
Page 24 and 25: The Say It Just Right (SIJR) Model
Page 36 and 37: Chapter 2Personality OverlayAtthiss
Page 38 and 39: Personality Overlay 19BOLD PERSONAL
Page 40 and 41: Personality Overlay 21energy seems
Page 42 and 43: Larry is clearly a Technical person
Page 44 and 45: Personality Overlay 25‘‘John kn
Page 46: Personality Overlay 27Resolve the I
Page 49 and 50: 30 Managing Sticky Situations at Wo
Page 73 and 74:
54 Managing Sticky Situations at Wo
Page 75 and 76:
Page 77 and 78:
Page 79 and 80:
Page 82 and 83:
Chapter 5Sticky Situations with Cli
Page 84 and 85:
Sticky Situations with Clients 65Un
Page 86 and 87:
Sticky Situations with Clients 67
Page 88 and 89:
Sticky Situations with Clients 69ve
Page 90 and 91:
Sticky Situations with Clients 71
Page 92 and 93:
‘‘I’m glad to hear that. I wa
Page 94 and 95:
Sticky Situations with Clients 75fr
Page 96 and 97:
Sticky Situations with Clients 77AN
Page 98 and 99:
Chapter 6Sticky Situations with Sub
Page 100 and 101:
Sticky Situations with Subordinates
Page 102 and 103:
Page 104 and 105:
Page 106 and 107:
Page 108 and 109:
Page 110 and 111:
Page 112 and 113:
Page 114 and 115:
Page 116 and 117:
Chapter 7Sticky Situations in Meeti
Page 118 and 119:
Sticky Situations in Meetings 99you
Page 120 and 121:
Sticky Situations in Meetings 101
Page 122 and 123:
Sticky Situations in Meetings 103to
Page 124 and 125:
Sticky Situations in Meetings 105me
Page 126 and 127:
Sticky Situations in Meetings 107SA
Page 128 and 129:
Sticky Situations in Meetings 109wa
Page 130 and 131:
Sticky Situations in Meetings 111SA
Page 132 and 133:
Sticky Situations in Meetings 113ac
Page 134 and 135:
Sticky Situations in Meetings 115Al
Page 136 and 137:
Sticky Situations in Meetings 117wh
Page 138 and 139:
Chapter 8Sticky Romantic Situations
Page 140 and 141:
Sticky Romantic Situations in the O
Page 142 and 143:
Page 144 and 145:
Page 146 and 147:
Page 148 and 149:
Page 150 and 151:
Page 152 and 153:
Page 154 and 155:
Page 156 and 157:
Page 158:
Page 161 and 162:
142 Managing Sticky Situations at W
Page 163 and 164:
Page 165 and 166:
Page 167 and 168:
Page 169 and 170:
Page 171 and 172:
Page 173 and 174:
Page 176 and 177:
Chapter 10Sticky Etiquette Situatio
Page 178 and 179:
Sticky Etiquette Situations 159not
Page 180 and 181:
Sticky Etiquette Situations 161‘
Page 182 and 183:
Sticky Etiquette Situations 163she
Page 184 and 185:
Sticky Etiquette Situations 165Rita
Page 186 and 187:
Sticky Etiquette Situations 167mone
Page 188 and 189:
Her intent with this question was n
Page 190 and 191:
Sticky Etiquette Situations 171inte
Page 192:
Sticky Etiquette Situations 173it i
Page 195 and 196:
Page 197 and 198:
Page 199 and 200:
Page 201 and 202:
Page 203 and 204:
Page 205 and 206:
Page 207 and 208:
Page 209 and 210:
Page 211 and 212:
Page 213 and 214:
Page 215 and 216:
Page 217 and 218:
Page 219 and 220:
Page 221 and 222:
202 Appendix 14. True5. False6. Fal
Page 223 and 224:
204 Appendix 1Strategic interviewer
Page 225 and 226:
206 Appendix 2360 By Design®—Des
Page 228 and 229:
IndexAdjourning Stage in groups, 10
Page 230 and 231:
Index 211hot seat, 35-39How Good a
Page 232:
Index 213Teenage Daughter Is Busted
show all

Managing Sticky Situations at Work

You also want an ePaper? Increase the reach of your titles

Delete template?

Save as template?