Managing Sticky Situations at Work

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The Say It Just Right (SIJR) Model 5The 3 C’sTHE THREE C’STo apply the SIJR Model we must consider the Three C’s: Change isin you, Compassion for the other person, and Curiosity abouteverything.CHANGE IS INYOUIf you go into any communication with the intent to change anotherperson, you will fail. Instead, communicate your wants and needseffectively and give the other person options. Of course you can suggestconsequences if the behavior does not change, but the ultimatechange decision lies with the other person. We know, however, thata person has a greater willingness to modify behavior when he or sheperceives benefits. Salesmen know this quite well. They put themselvesin the place of the buyer and wonder what the buyer wants, namely,how will this product or service benefit the buyer? As a confident communicator,you, too, must think about the benefits to the other person.How does life feel in that person’s shoes? How does he see theworld?COMPASSION FOR THE OTHER PERSONAssertiveness means ‘‘being able to say what you think and feel withoutstepping on other people’s feet.’’ In my view, Bower and Bowerwrote one of the best books on assertiveness, Asserting Yourself: A
6 Managing Sticky Situations at WorkPractical Guide for Positive Change. 3 The authors present a practicalmodel for making assertions in which they provide the communicationtools to enable you to deal with sticky situations. Nonetheless,Bower and Bower leave out one critical ingredient, compassion. Theauthors do not consider the needs of the other person. In fact theyrefer to the other person as the ‘‘downer.’’By contrast, in Powerful Conversations: How High Impact LeadersCommunicate, 4 Paul Harkins talks about how leaders deepen trust.He created a model of trust that includes caring, commitment, andconsistency. According to Harkins, communication does not existwithout trust. He puts compassion and concern for the other personat the top of the list. He tells us that high-impact leaders ‘‘lead fromthe heart.’’ 5CURIOSITY ABOUT EVERYTHINGConfident communicators come into the conversation with ahealthy sense of curiosity. The wonderment that we found so refreshingas children seems to have faded with each year. Where did thatwonder go? Confident communicators never lose the capacity to wonder.They realize that if they enter into a dialogue, knowing their ownrightness, they miss an opportunity to learn. This does not meanshort-changing your needs. It means listening to the needs of theother person with a third ear. As a communications coach, I experiencethe power of this kind of listening every day. The coaching literaturedefines 6 Level 1 listening as hearing from your point of view.Level 2 listening occurs when you hear the needs of the other personwithout going beyond the words. Level 3 listening goes beyond thewords. Listening with the third ear means hearing what is not saidand learning to read the nonverbal cues.• Level 1 Listening response: ‘‘I understand where you are coming from.I’ve had a similar experience.’’• Level 2 Listening response: ‘‘So you are saying you need morestructure in your life.’’• Level 3 Listening response: You notice the person’s eyes moving asthey talk. ‘‘I sense that you are preoccupied; what is disturbing youtoday?’’Before we return to Roger and Sandra, we must examine the secondtier of the SIJR Model, namely, the Decision Points.
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Page 8: ContentsIllustrationsviiAcknowledgm
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Chapter 5Sticky Situations with Cli
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Sticky Situations with Subordinates
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Chapter 7Sticky Situations in Meeti
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Chapter 8Sticky Romantic Situations
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Sticky Romantic Situations in the O
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Chapter 10Sticky Etiquette Situatio
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202 Appendix 14. True5. False6. Fal
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204 Appendix 1Strategic interviewer
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206 Appendix 2360 By Design®—Des
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IndexAdjourning Stage in groups, 10
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Index 211hot seat, 35-39How Good a
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Index 213Teenage Daughter Is Busted
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Managing Sticky Situations at Work

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