Managing Sticky Situations at Work

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Sticky Etiquette Situations 167money on their third lunch outing, that she realized that Ricky wastaking advantage of her good nature.Ricky is probably neither a Technical nor a Sympathetic. He couldbe a Bold who recognizes that he can get something for nothing. Hemay also be an Expressive who cannot see Adelaide’s discomfort. Ifhe is more Expressive than Bold, he won’t want to damage the relationshiphe has with Adelaide. A Bold personality is less concernedabout the friendship than he is about being cornered or trapped inan awkward position.SAY IT JUST RIGHT CONVERSATIONBecause Adelaide and Ricky do not have an opportunity to talk privatelyat work, she agrees to join him for lunch. Once they sit down,she says, ‘‘Ricky, I’ve been meaning to talk to you. I’m glad we couldhave lunch today.’’‘‘Sure thing.’’ He picks up the menu. ‘‘I love this place. They havethe best subs in town. Don’t you think?’’Adelaide nods. ‘‘I prefer the salads. But, yeah, the subs aren’t bad.’’‘‘What do you think about the new regs they’re putting on us?’’‘‘I’m okay with them. It’ll just mean more paperwork. But, that’snothing new.’’‘‘You got that right. By the way, can you cover for me this afternoon?I’ve got a doctor’s appointment and have to duck out aboutfifteen minutes early.’’Adelaide sighs. ‘‘Ricky, I’ve covered for you every day this week.What’s going on?’’He shrugs. ‘‘It’s just hard to do everything. You know how it is.’’‘‘I sure do. I’ve got a three-year-old at home, remember?’’The waiter puts their lunch in front of them.‘‘Ricky, I hope you’re not planning on my paying for your lunchagain today?’’He looks up from his sandwich. ‘‘What do you mean?’’‘‘I mean, we’ve been to lunch together three times, and I’ve paid formy lunch and yours each time. I’m curious to know when you mightreciprocate.’’ (Specifies the problem.)‘‘I hadn’t realized that you paid for lunch every time. Didn’t I paylast time?’’ The innocence in his voice almost makes Adelaide laugh.‘‘Come on, Ricky. I gave you 10 bucks to cover a four-dollar lunch.What I want to know is whether or not I’m going to be the one payingfor lunch whenever we eat together?’’
168 Managing Sticky Situations at Work‘‘I plan to pay for my lunch today,’’ he says with a sniff.‘‘Look. I didn’t mean to make you mad, but you know I can’t affordto pay for both our lunches all the time. I like eating with you and talkingabout stuff at work. But, neither of us makes that kind of money.What do you think we should do about it?’’ (Invites Ricky to talk.)He shifts around. ‘‘I said I’d pay for my lunch today and how ’boutI pay for yours, too. That suit you?’’‘‘I value our friendship and want us to continue to have theselunches. I appreciate your willingnesstopayformylunchtoday.But, let’s just start over from here. Why don’t we each pay for ourown lunches from now on.’’ (Joins feeling with fact.)‘‘I don’t want you to feel as if I owe you.’’‘‘Would paying for my lunch today make you feel better?’’ (Lookingfor resolution.)‘‘Yeah. And we’ll go Dutch from then on. Sound good?’’Adelaide says, ‘‘That works for me.’’ANALYSISAdelaide knew she could not change Ricky’s behavior. When heasked for her to cover for him again, she recognized that he is the kindof person who will always ask or take a little more. It was up to her toset some limits. The beginning of their conversation enabled her toget a better feel for Ricky’s personality type. The way he spoke casuallyabout everything and his relaxed manner about the previous lunchesall suggested he’s an Expressive and not a Bold. Dealing with anExpressive, she used a positive consequence he’d relate to, namely,that she’d like to continue the lunches. She recognized that neitherof them have the resources to pay for two lunches each time they eatout. Adelaide also dealt with Ricky’s defensiveness by asking him fora solution that might work.Specify the Problem. Adelaide did not specify the problem rightaway. When she told Ricky she wanted to talk to him, he didn’t askwhat she wanted to say. Instead he shifted the conversation to himselfand thereby gave away his Expressive personality style.Invite the Other Person to Talk. Adelaide invited Ricky to talk onseveral occasions. The first happened when she specified the problemand asked him when he’d reciprocate. Later she asked him what hesuggested they do to resolve the problem. She elicited a defensiveresponse from him when she asked, ‘‘What I want to know is if I’mgoingtobetheonepayingforlunch whenever we eat together?’’
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ContentsIllustrationsviiAcknowledgm
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AcknowledgmentsAs a disclaimer, all
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xiiIntroductionis the word that oft
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xivIntroduction4. You supervise a g
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Chapter 1The Say It Just Right (SIJ
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The Say It Just Right (SIJR) Model
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Chapter 2Personality OverlayAtthiss
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Personality Overlay 19BOLD PERSONAL
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Personality Overlay 21energy seems
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Larry is clearly a Technical person
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Personality Overlay 25‘‘John kn
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Personality Overlay 27Resolve the I
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Chapter 6Sticky Situations with Sub
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Sticky Situations with Subordinates
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Chapter 7Sticky Situations in Meeti
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Page 230 and 231: Index 211hot seat, 35-39How Good a
Page 232: Index 213Teenage Daughter Is Busted
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