Managing Sticky Situations at Work

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Sticky Situations with Subordinates 87She gets up. ‘‘I promise I will get the designs to you first thingtomorrow morning. Then, can I draw the bushes in those designs?’’‘‘If you get those designs to us by no later than noon tomorrow, Iwill show you exactly how to insert the bushes and trees.’’ (Finds resolutionwith positive consequences.)ANALYSISWill Emily remain committed to her job? Will she change her behavior?We do not know. But, Ivan did show compassion, and he diddemonstrate curiosity. He also made the consequences clear. By notplacing blame directly onto her, he managed to keep her from gettingtoo defensive. When she finally stated her concerns about not learninganything about architecture, they worked out a solution. Ivan, however,reiterated what she must do in order to earn the chance to drawbushes and trees. His clarity on what he expected of her and whatshe must do to get more responsibility enabled him to say it just right.Specify the Problem. Ivan repeated several times in the conversationthat Emily must get the designs to the team by noon. He didnot care how she did it or what caused such blatant lateness. He knewshe often took shopping trips and visited with friends, but he did notmention these things. So long as the designs arrived in the office bynoon, she would have done what he required. In a disciplinary conversationit is important not to get sidetracked and not to talk about toomany infringements. Select the one thing you want corrected. If theother negative behaviors continue (and often they don’t), you can dealwith those in a later conversation.Invite the Other Person to Talk. Emily responded defensively. Shereadily talked but in defense of her behavior. Even though Ivan didnot say, ‘‘You are at fault,’’ she knew she had abused her position onthejob.IvaninvitedEmilytotellherstoryintwoplaces.Thefirstoccurred when he asked what happened yesterday and the secondoccurred after he stated the implied consequence that she might needto be transferred out of his department.Join Feeling with Fact. Ivan, being a Technical, prefers not toshare feelings. His EQ score is probably not terribly high. He knew,however, that he was dealing with an Expressive who responds wellto feelings. In the first statement of the problem, Ivan said he was disappointed.He later stated his frustrations with her performance. Healso mentioned Mr. Whippet’s confidence in Emily and inferred that
88 Managing Sticky Situations at Workshe might lose her father’s respect if she could not get the designs backin time.Resolve the Issue. Ivan listened to Emily when she talked aboutwanting to learn more about architecture. He played up this desire inhis search for a resolution, which included positive consequences.HOW TO TELL SOMEONE SOMETHINGTHEY DON’T WANT TO HEARIn these times of layoffs and downsizing, many of us face the awkwardposition of having to tell someone they no longer have a job.This person may have been a valuable employee who performed satisfactorilyor even extraordinarily. How can you tell someone who hasdone a good job that you no longer need his or her services?Phil Harkins in Powerful Conversations provides us with some guidanceon how to communicate bad information. 7 He suggests usingthe Powerful Conversation Model that he presented in his book. Wecan apply Harkins’s model and expand on it with what we’ve learnedabout the SIJR Model to help guide us through these sticky situations:Step 1: Ask questions to confirm understanding. This step requireshonesty. Using the SIJR Model, you must say what you have to sayin clear, direct language. Do not leave room for misunderstandings.If you are laying a person off, for example, do not let that personbelieve that you are temporarily suspending him. Do not let peoplebelieve there is something they can do to change your mind. Harkinsalso advises that when the information shocks the people, they cannotabsorb it all at once. 8 You may need to give it some time before youproceed to the second step. Your own empathy and compassion inStep 1 will guide you to help the person move to Step 2.Step 2: Harkins advises allowing the person to recognize that thefacts, data, and statistics show that your company can no longer payfor his or her services or that the services are no longer necessary. Askpowerful, open questions that will reveal to you if the person understandsthe facts, data, and statistics. Harkins adds if you move to Step 3before you are certain the person understands the facts and rationalebehind the decision, he or she will not be open to new possibilities,and you’ll find yourself making all the suggestions.Step 3: Create new possibilities for action. Harkins suggests brainstormingwith the person about new opportunities. Give the individuala chance to talk about what sounds possible for the future. As
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ContentsIllustrationsviiAcknowledgm
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AcknowledgmentsAs a disclaimer, all
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xiiIntroductionis the word that oft
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xivIntroduction4. You supervise a g
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Chapter 1The Say It Just Right (SIJ
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The Say It Just Right (SIJR) Model
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Chapter 2Personality OverlayAtthiss
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Personality Overlay 19BOLD PERSONAL
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Personality Overlay 21energy seems
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Larry is clearly a Technical person
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Personality Overlay 25‘‘John kn
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Personality Overlay 27Resolve the I
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Chapter 10Sticky Etiquette Situatio
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Her intent with this question was n
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202 Appendix 14. True5. False6. Fal
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204 Appendix 1Strategic interviewer
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206 Appendix 2360 By Design®—Des
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IndexAdjourning Stage in groups, 10
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Index 211hot seat, 35-39How Good a
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Index 213Teenage Daughter Is Busted
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