Managing Sticky Situations at Work

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Sticky Etiquette Situations 171interest about her concern about these matters, he is probably a Sympathetic.In that case Louisa will have to push him a little harder toclarify the parameters.SAY IT JUST RIGHT CONVERSATIONLouisa enters Dr. Marshall’s office. ‘‘I’d like to talk to you about theupcoming trip to Houston.’’He motions for her to sit down. ‘‘What is it?’’‘‘I know that you’ve been to this conference many times, and youknow a lot of people there. I’m flattered that you invited me to participatewith you this year—’’‘‘I highly respect your work. Your perspective on the material will bean asset and will bring a fresh new approach.’’‘‘Thank you for that. I thought it would be a good idea to clarify afew things before we go.’’ (Specifies the issue.)‘‘Sure.’’ He leans forward.‘‘Because this is my first trip to this national conference, I want tohave a chance to meet people from universities all over the country. Idon’t want you to feel as if you have to drag me along with you allthe time. Why don’t we agree to go our separate ways after the presentation?I’m sure there are sessions I want to go to that you have nointerest in.’’‘‘Absolutely,’’ he said. ‘‘I just assumed that we’d do that.’’‘‘Good. Also, I wondered about how the expenses worked. I knowthe university will pay for our meals and everything, but what aboutmiscellaneous expenses?’’ (Asks for clarification.)‘‘Yes, we’ll put in a request after we get back. You’ll want to keepall your meal receipts. The meal allowances usually do not covereverything.’’‘‘How will we work it when we eat together? Will we each have aseparate receipt?’’ (Searches for clarification by inviting Dr. Marshallto talk.)‘‘Oh, no. We can work that out between us. Usually I put it on mycredit card, and the colleague pays me back what’s owed in cash. Lastyear, Paul accompanied me. He seemed fine with that arrangement.’’(Offers a resolution.)‘‘If I want a glass of wine with dinner, then, I can just pay you incash afterwards?’’‘‘Sure, unless we agree for me to treat you to a glass of wine. I’d liketo be able to do that, on occasion,’’ he adds.
172 Managing Sticky Situations at Work‘‘I have no problem with that so long as we’re clear. It can get confusingnowadays, and I don’t want either of us to get frustrated. Someguys feel as if they must pay for everything. And, that’s just not fair.’’(Joins feeling with fact.)He says, ‘‘I do have a tendency to be a bit old fashioned. But, I’velearned that most of you modern women want to pay your own way.That’s fine with me. I’m glad we had this discussion so we both knowwhat to do before we depart next week. Thank you for initiating it.’’‘‘I also appreciate your candor. I’m really excited about this trip, andIwanteverythingtogowell.Justtoclarify,then,I’llplantogomyown way after the presentation. If we share meals together, I’ll payyou for whatever exceeds our meal allowances. Does that soundright?’’ (Summarizes the resolution.)‘‘Good deal.’’ANALYSISIt doesn’t take long for Louisa to realize that Dr. Marshall is a Sympathetic.Once she told him she wanted permission to go her own way,and he responded, ‘‘I just assumed ...’’ she knew she was likely notdealing with a Technical. Technicals leave little to chance.Rather than specify a problem as is often the case in sticky situations,Louisa specifies an issue. She is looking for clarity. To do that, shemust use the same skills, but she applies them in a different manner.Specify the Problem. Louisa first specified the issue of clarification,and then she continued to push until she felt the issue had clarity.Invite the Other Person to Talk. This situation was nonconfrontationaland one that required a joint solution. Louisa invited Dr. Marshallto share what had been done in the past and to clarify for herwhat he expected of her. He made it clear they would ‘‘work thingsout together.’’ When he suggested he might buy her a glass of wine,it showed her that the procedures were not so cut and dried.Join Feelings with Fact. Louisa explained that she wanted to avoidnegative feelings and that was why she initiated the conversation. Hisappreciative response told her she made the right decision.Resolve the Issue. When the issue is clarification, it helps to summarizewhat has been resolved at the end as we saw Louisa do.CONCLUSIONIn this chapter we looked at four sticky etiquette situations. TheDecision Points phase of the SIJR Model is always important because
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ContentsIllustrationsviiAcknowledgm
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AcknowledgmentsAs a disclaimer, all
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xiiIntroductionis the word that oft
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xivIntroduction4. You supervise a g
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Chapter 1The Say It Just Right (SIJ
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The Say It Just Right (SIJR) Model
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Chapter 2Personality OverlayAtthiss
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Personality Overlay 19BOLD PERSONAL
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Personality Overlay 21energy seems
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Larry is clearly a Technical person
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Personality Overlay 25‘‘John kn
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Personality Overlay 27Resolve the I
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Chapter 6Sticky Situations with Sub
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Sticky Situations with Subordinates
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Chapter 7Sticky Situations in Meeti
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Chapter 8Sticky Romantic Situations
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Page 230 and 231: Index 211hot seat, 35-39How Good a
Page 232: Index 213Teenage Daughter Is Busted
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Managing Sticky Situations at Work

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