Managing Sticky Situations at Work

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Sticky Situations on the Home Front 195The Maxwells examine the power sources. Even though the Maxwellsare the parents and as such they have a certain amount of powerover their daughter, they recognize that Katie, too, has power. As agrown young woman, who is beginning to make her own decisions,she is free to go out with her friends. They cannot watch her everymove, as they could when she was a toddler. If they simply imposetheir will without taking into account her needs, she may rebel.PERSONALITY OVERLAYParents of teenagers, like the Maxwells, have a problem. Young peopleare not fully developed into their personalities. Furthermore, teenagetraits tend to mask the kinds of behaviors we look at to determinesomeone’s personality. For example, most teenagers have manyfriends. Would that make them Expressive? Most teenagers are impulsiveand take risks. Does that mean they are Bold? Some teens obsessabout their dress and their appearance. Does that make those teensTechnicals? And, we all know how quick a teenage girl tends to cry,especially if she fears not getting what she wants. Does that make hera Sympathetic? The raging hormones make it difficult for the parentsto determine the kind of personality they are dealing with. Mostparents, however, know their children. They know what triggers adefensive or rebellious response.One caution to all parents is to remember that your teenage child isnot you. They are individuals with their own sets of personality characteristics.Simply because you think or feel a certain way does not meanyour child thinks and feels that way. The best way to go into an SIJRConversation with a teen requires a very open mind and the ability toadjust to surprises.You, the parent, must also keep your emotions in check. You teenagerwill have enough emotions for the two of you. The SIJR Modelwill help you manage your emotions because it creates a sense ofdetachment.SAY IT JUST RIGHT CONVERSATIONAnita told Katie she wanted to talk to her about what happened thenight before. They decide to meet outside on the porch. Katie walksonto the porch with her head down as if awaiting the blows.Anita walks over to her daughter and hugs her. ‘‘I’m so glad you aresafe,’’ she says. Katie doesn’t say anything.
196 Managing Sticky Situations at Work‘‘Katie, I know how frightened you must have been last night. Icould see the fear in your face when we came to the jail.’’‘‘Yeah,’’ she says, still looking at the ground.‘‘Do you know how frightened your father and I were?’’She shakes her head.‘‘I know you think we make rules just to make your life miserable.But, what you don’t understand is that we make those rules to protectyou. We love you, and we don’t want you to get hurt.’’‘‘I can take care of myself.’’‘‘Sure you can.’’ Anita pauses. ‘‘Last night, though, showed us all thatthere are still times when it’s nice to have parents, don’t you think?’’Katie’s shoulders drop.Anita takes a deep breath. ‘‘I suppose what disappointed us morethan anything was that you felt you couldn’t be honest with us.’’(Specifies the problem and joins feeling with fact.) ‘‘Tell me whatwas going on there.’’ (Invites Katie to talk.)Katie shifts in her seat, her eyes flash. ‘‘You’d’ve never let me go tothat party. Livie’s parents wouldn’t have let her either. So, well, youknow. I guess we thought—we wanted to go so, we went.’’‘‘How do you feel about going now?’’‘‘I wish I’d never met Jason. It was stupid.’’‘‘What was stupid?’’She puts a pillow on her lap and sighs. ‘‘You know. Going to theparty in the first place. Jason wanted girls there. He kinda asked us togo. Livie knows him and his brother and another girl and they allwanted to go. So, we thought it would be fun. All of us and all. Ididn’t drink much, Mom. Just one beer.’’‘‘The problem is you don’t have to drink much if you’re too youngto be drinking. You can get in a lot of trouble just being around alcohol.I’m sure the policeman told you that.’’‘‘He treated us like 4th graders. What a jerk.’’‘‘Katie, honey, last night you were 4th graders. It’s hard to treat youlike an adult when you don’t think ahead.’’‘‘But we did think ahead. We were just gonna go for a couple ofhours. But, well, when we got there, everybody wasn’t there yet, andpeople wanted us to stay, and I met a cute guy. Livie wanted to stay,too, and, I guess, we just didn’t look at the clock.’’‘‘That’s all in the past. Why don’t we focus on the future? What willyou do next time Livie or anyone else wants you to deceive me andyour dad?’’ (Invites her to resolve the problem.)
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ContentsIllustrationsviiAcknowledgm
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AcknowledgmentsAs a disclaimer, all
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xiiIntroductionis the word that oft
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xivIntroduction4. You supervise a g
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Chapter 1The Say It Just Right (SIJ
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The Say It Just Right (SIJR) Model
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Chapter 2Personality OverlayAtthiss
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Personality Overlay 19BOLD PERSONAL
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Personality Overlay 21energy seems
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Larry is clearly a Technical person
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Personality Overlay 25‘‘John kn
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Personality Overlay 27Resolve the I
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Chapter 6Sticky Situations with Sub
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Sticky Situations with Subordinates
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Chapter 7Sticky Situations in Meeti
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Chapter 8Sticky Romantic Situations
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Sticky Romantic Situations in the O
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Page 221 and 222: 202 Appendix 14. True5. False6. Fal
Page 223 and 224: 204 Appendix 1Strategic interviewer
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Page 228 and 229: IndexAdjourning Stage in groups, 10
Page 230 and 231: Index 211hot seat, 35-39How Good a
Page 232: Index 213Teenage Daughter Is Busted
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