Managing Sticky Situations at Work

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Sticky Situations with Co-Workers 57intrusive. She and Maria meet in the teachers lounge nearlyevery day at the same time. Beth dreads these meetings eventhough they are supposed to be her breaks. Lately she’s been losingsleep, wondering if she should change jobs just to get away fromMaria.APPLYING THE SAY IT JUST RIGHT MODELDECISION POINTSBeth determines the costs. Beth fears saying something to Mariabecause she does not want to hurt her feelings. She changed her breaktimes, but no matter what she does, she runs into Maria. Beth looks atthe personal costs of not saying anything. She’s losing sleep. Her bodytenses whenever she thinks about taking her break. She looks underthe stalls in the bathroom to make sure Maria is not there. Her mindconstantly struggles with ways to avoid Maria. On the other hand,Beth looks at the costs of confronting Maria. She may hurt Maria’sfeelings. If she does, Maria will avoid her. What else could happen ifshe confronts Maria? If Maria’s angry, she may say something negativeabout Beth to Mrs. Lewis, the principal. Maria and the principal areclose friends. Beth decides confronting Maria is worth the risk.Beth sets her limits. Beth realizes that she cannot be friends withMaria. Their personalities blend like oil and water. She does not mindworking with Maria, but she and Maria must keep their relationshipstrictly professional. She is willing to assist Maria on joint school projectsand to help Maria with her students whenever she can. She is notwilling to share intimate information about herself or to listen whileMaria talks about the personal lives of others.Beth looks at power sources. Beth worries about Maria’s relationshipwith the principal. When Beth came to work in the school, sheheard that Maria and the principal had been friends since college. Bethknows that she cannot come between that friendship. On the otherhand, Beth excels as a teacher. Her students love her, and the parentsrave about her. She’s conscientious about her job. Her performancereviews reflect the quality of her work. She knows how hard it is to findskilled teachers. She imagines that Mrs. Lewis will not want to lose her.PERSONALITY OVERLAYLooking at Maria’s behavior, we discover a friendly, outgoing person,who seems insensitive to Beth’s nonverbal cues. Undoubtedly,
58 Managing Sticky Situations at WorkBeth’s tension reflected itself either in frowns, crossed arms, sighs, orother signals that flew past Maria’s radar. From what we know aboutMaria she is direct and talkative. She shares information about everyoneand everything, including herself. These behaviors typify eitheran Expressive or a Sympathetic. Technicals love their privacy, preferringto keep to themselves. Bolds are direct and tend to be open, likeMaria, but they are not as talkative. Because of Maria’s insensitivityto the nonverbal cues, it is likely she’s not a Sympathetic but anExpressive with Bold tendencies. As an Expressive/Bold, we can predictthat she likes being center stage, she likes being liked by everyone,and she prefers a direct confrontation.Beth, on the other hand, values her privacy. She concentrates on herjob and wishes not to hurt Maria’s feelings. She typifies a Technical/Sympathetic.SAY IT JUST RIGHT CONVERSATIONBeth enters the teacher’s lounge where she finds Maria alone. Theother teachers have gone back to their classrooms. As soon as Bethwalks in, Maria smiles and says, ‘‘Wow, I love your new haircut. Who’sdoing your hair now?’’Beth tells her.‘‘My husband hates when I change my hair. I had it colored a coupleof weeks ago—just put in a few highlights for something different. Heabout freaked. Didn’t your husband have a fit when you got it cut? Ibet he did,’’ Maria says.‘‘Maria, I’m uncomfortable talking about personal things like this.That’s something I’ve been meaning to discuss with you. Ever sinceI came to work here, you have asked me questions about my husbandand if I plan to have kids and what my parents are like. It bothers me toshare such personal information. I know it is natural for you, but it’shard for me. I also know you don’t mean anything bad by it. It’s justyour style. My style is different.’’ (Specifies the problem and joinsfeelings with fact.)Maria’s eyes widen. For once she looks as if she doesn’t know whatto say. ‘‘Gosh, I’m sorry. I didn’t realize you were so sensitive. I wasjust trying to be friendly.’’‘‘I know you were, and I completely understand. It’s just that I wantyou to understand that those kinds of personal things feel intrusive tome. It’s really not about you; it’s how I feel. You are an awesometeacher. You have a great rapport with the kids. Whenever I approach
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ContentsIllustrationsviiAcknowledgm
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AcknowledgmentsAs a disclaimer, all
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xiiIntroductionis the word that oft
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xivIntroduction4. You supervise a g
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Chapter 1The Say It Just Right (SIJ
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The Say It Just Right (SIJR) Model
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The Say It Just Right (SIJR) Model
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Page 46: Personality Overlay 27Resolve the I
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Chapter 8Sticky Romantic Situations
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Sticky Romantic Situations in the O
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Chapter 10Sticky Etiquette Situatio
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202 Appendix 14. True5. False6. Fal
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204 Appendix 1Strategic interviewer
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206 Appendix 2360 By Design®—Des
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IndexAdjourning Stage in groups, 10
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Index 211hot seat, 35-39How Good a
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Index 213Teenage Daughter Is Busted
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