Managing Sticky Situations at Work

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Sticky Etiquette Situations 161‘‘I’ve never had a woman tell me an experience with me was horrific.Trust me, it’ll be great.’’ He grins again.‘‘Is it not possible to have a serious conversation with you?’’He laughs.‘‘Look, Brad, I think I got off on the wrong foot here. Let me startover. I know you are as thrilled as I am to be going on this trip. It’s agreat opportunity for both of us. It could be a career launcher. I’mdetermined to make the most of it. I suspect you are, too. I’m curiousto know what we can do to help each other do that.’’ (Invites Bradto talk.)‘‘I’ve made a list of people I know who are going,’’ he said, sittingup. ‘‘I’m planning to contact them and set up one-on-ones duringthe conference. Want me to include you?’’‘‘No, I’d prefer to make informal contacts while there, but thanks.How about we agree to go our separate ways during the conference?You go have your meetings, and I’ll float around with people I meetthere. If we make some decent contacts, we can compare notes andintroduce each other. What do you think?’’‘‘Oh, I get it. You don’t want to be seen with me.’’She sighs. ‘‘It has nothing to do with that. We just have a differentstyle of working the crowd. Tell me what would work for you. I suspectyou don’t want me hanging around while you meet with all thesecontacts, right?’’He nods. ‘‘Well, that might be a little strange. You’re right. Let’splan to work it our own ways.’’‘‘There’s one other thing, Brad. I don’t like the way you openly flirtwith me. If you do that in front of people at the conference, it will putus both in an awkward situation. I know you’re just being—well,friendly—’’ (Specifies the problem.)‘‘You’re just too much fun to tease. It’s hard not to push yourbuttons.’’‘‘What can I do to help you ‘not push my buttons’?’’ (Invites Bradto talk.)He scratches his head. ‘‘Can’t think of a thing.’’‘‘Brad, come on. Why do you tease me so much and not the others?It can’t be just because I’m the only woman in the office. Tell me whatis going on here.’’ (Continues to invite him to talk.)‘‘I suppose it’s just me. I had three sisters and that’s how I dealt withthem. They never minded my cutting up with them.’’
162 Managing Sticky Situations at Work‘‘How does your wife respond when you ‘cut up’ with otherwomen?’’He chuckles. ‘‘She’s used to it. She knows how I am. It’s no bigdeal.’’‘‘I have to tell you, Brad, it is a big deal to me. I’m a pretty easygoingperson, but I’ve been tempted to cite you for sexual harassment.Your comments about my clothes, about my hair, about my body,about how I smell are too suggestive. You’ve come very close to crossingthe line.’’ She pauses. ‘‘Although I now understand that you don’treally mean it the way it comes across, someone else might not be aspatient as I’ve been.’’‘‘You are a very attractive woman, and I just can’t—’’‘‘That’s not relevant. It is not professional. I’m a marketing executive,just like you. When you say things like that to me, it puts medown, belittles me as a professional woman.’’ (Joins feelings withfacts.)‘‘I have a lot of respect for you and your work. I never meant to putyou down.’’‘‘I know that now.’’ She takes a breath. ‘‘We have a chance to builda strong working relationship on this trip. Let’s give it a try. Are youwilling?’’‘‘Sure. What do you want me to do?’’‘‘Better still. Why don’t you tell me what you can do to curtail yourneed to ‘cut up’ with me?’’ (Invites him to resolve the issue.)He takes a deep breath. ‘‘I’ll not mention anything about the wayyou look. How’s that?’’‘‘Anything else?’’‘‘Maybe we can limit our discussions only to work. And, I won’tpress you to eat or drink with me.’’Belinda smiles. ‘‘All that sounds great. I suspect, though, we’ll talkabout things other than work, but if it feels uncomfortable to me, I’lllet you know. Deal?’’They shake on it.ANALYSISBelinda started the discussion with Brad as a typical Bold. She gotright to the point and wanted him to play her game. Brad, on theother hand, refused to join in. He toyed with her. Rather than getangry and impatient with him, she recognized what she’d done, and
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Managing StickySituations at WorkCo
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ContentsIllustrationsviiAcknowledgm
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AcknowledgmentsAs a disclaimer, all
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xiiIntroductionis the word that oft
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xivIntroduction4. You supervise a g
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Chapter 1The Say It Just Right (SIJ
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The Say It Just Right (SIJR) Model
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Chapter 2Personality OverlayAtthiss
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Personality Overlay 19BOLD PERSONAL
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Personality Overlay 21energy seems
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Larry is clearly a Technical person
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Personality Overlay 25‘‘John kn
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Personality Overlay 27Resolve the I
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Chapter 5Sticky Situations with Cli
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Chapter 6Sticky Situations with Sub
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Sticky Situations with Subordinates
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Chapter 7Sticky Situations in Meeti
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Index 211hot seat, 35-39How Good a
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Index 213Teenage Daughter Is Busted
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Managing Sticky Situations at Work

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