Managing Sticky Situations at Work

2 Managing Sticky Situations at Work• What the other person Says• What you Think the other person saysNo wonder we encounter so many sticky communication problems.To make matters worse, did you know that our minds think four timesfaster than the average person can speak? Even when we try to listen,our thinking minds fly many miles an hour in another direction. Harnessingall that thinking energy takes discipline, focus, and concentration.In today’s world where most of us multitask our way throughlife, stopping to really hear another person seems impossible. As weexamine communication, you will see how important it is to stopdoing whatever it is you are doing, to set your antenna in the directionof the speaker, and to assign your thinking mind the job of listening.Besides turning off our cell phones, however, how can we do this?One way to compensate for these communication challenges isthrough good feedback. Feedback unravels these multiple messagesand helps us focus our fast-thinking minds.Great! Feedback solves the communication problem, right?Unfortunately, it’s not quite that simple. One snag prevents feedbackfrom being the communication savior. That snag lies in the question,Who assumes responsibility for the feedback—the person sendingthe message or the person receiving the message? Have you ever beenin a meeting where no one takes charge? I’m sure you’ve had thisexperience and found it quite unpleasant. People float around, notsure what to do. Often these meetings produce nothing more thanchaos and frustration. Because no one knows who is in charge of feedback,no one takes responsibility for feedback, and that creates chaos,frustration, and miscommunication.We glean one lesson from this, particularly when we find ourselvesin a sticky situation that involves tangled communication: We musttake responsibility for feedback. Regardless of whether you send themessage or receive it, you are responsible for feedback. As the sender,you must solicit feedback from your receiver. As the receiver, you mustdisclose or give feedback to your sender.People often ask, ‘‘How do I solicit information if I’m not surehow the message was received?’’ The answer to this question requiresyou to tune up and sharpen your nonverbal antenna. Whenyou see a frown, respond. When you hear a tentative quiver in thevoice, notice it. Confident communicators, who say it just right, reactto how the receiver responds to the message. They listen to not only