Managing Sticky Situations at Work

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Sticky Situations on the Home Front 199she specified the problem. She did it in a gentle way by joining feelingwith fact. ‘‘What disappointed us the most was that you felt youcouldn’t be honest with us.’’ She used nonexplosive words, namely,‘‘not honest’’ instead of ‘‘lied to us.’’Invite the Other Person to Talk. Anita invited Katie to talk fromthe beginning. She asked her what happened. She showed curiositywith regard to what prevented Katie from telling them the truth.She invited Katie to help resolve the issue and to identify a fairpunishment.Join Feeling with Fact. This was a very emotional situation. Anitatalked about her concern, her worry, her disappointment, her love.One reason Thomas agreed that Anita should talk to Katie was herability to show her feelings. He feared his anger would further alienatehis daughter. Parents are fortunate. It’s best for both not to talk to thechild together because that could feel intimidating. Instead parentscan consider which of them might be the best suited to handle theSIJR Conversation. Anita kept her emotions in check. She did not yellor use accusatory language with her daughter. She may have cried duringthe conversation, particularly if Katie had cried. Her tears wouldshow her daughter how hurt she was.Resolve the Issue. Anita asked Katie what she might do next time.Anita’s goal was for her daughter to be honest with them, even if shebelieves her parents won’t allow her to do something. She proddedher daughter for solutions. Finally Katie said that next time she’d tellher parents what the event was and why she wanted to go. Anita alsoasked Katie what she thought would be a fair punishment for havingdistorted the truth. By getting Katie involved in her own punishment,Katie was more likely to follow through on what she agreed to do.CONCLUSIONParents of teens must stay alert and ready. Even after a successfulSIJR Conversation, teens tend to surprise us. As a parent, your goalis to remain consistent and clear. The SIJR Model will enable you tothink through the situations your teen presents, plan what you wantto do within limits, communicate with compassion and curiosity, andreach a resolution.You can model for your young, budding adult how to say it justright.
200 Managing Sticky Situations at WorkNOTE1. Daniel Goleman, Richard Boyatzis, and Annie McKee, Primal Leadership:Learning to Lead with Emotional Intelligence (Boston: Harvard BusinessSchool Press, 2002), 133–34.
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ContentsIllustrationsviiAcknowledgm
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AcknowledgmentsAs a disclaimer, all
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xiiIntroductionis the word that oft
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xivIntroduction4. You supervise a g
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Chapter 1The Say It Just Right (SIJ
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The Say It Just Right (SIJR) Model
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Chapter 2Personality OverlayAtthiss
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Personality Overlay 19BOLD PERSONAL
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Personality Overlay 21energy seems
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Larry is clearly a Technical person
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Personality Overlay 25‘‘John kn
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Personality Overlay 27Resolve the I
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Sticky Situations with Subordinates
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Chapter 7Sticky Situations in Meeti
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Chapter 8Sticky Romantic Situations
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Sticky Romantic Situations in the O
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Page 232: Index 213Teenage Daughter Is Busted
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