Managing Sticky Situations at Work

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Sticky Situations with Co-Workers 55Right now I don’t trust you at all. How can we rebuild a working relationshipgiven what’s happened?’’ (Begins to resolve the issue andinvites Patricia to talk.)‘‘I really screwed up. I’m sorry.’’‘‘That’s not enough. Being sorry is fine. But, we’ve got to figure outwhat to do. Any ideas?’’ (Persists in resolving the issue.)Patricia takes a long breath. ‘‘Maybe I could go to Mr. Jamison andtell him I want to give you the trip this year since you have neverbeen.’’Laura thinks. ‘‘I’d rather earn the trip myself. I can wait until nextyear. But, thanks for the offer, anyway. What other ideas do youhave?’’ (Rejects simple solutions that do not resolve the issue.)‘‘Tell you what. I’ll give you back the CW account, and I’ll leave italone. I won’t interfere at all.’’Laura shakes her head. ‘‘How can I be sure of that? I’ve heard thatpromise before. I can’t risk another incident like we just had. I knowyou feel threatened by me. We’ve got to figure out a way to worktogether where you don’t feel as if I’m competing for your accounts.’’Patricia sits up. ‘‘Here’s the deal. I didn’t just steal your stuff. Iadapted it for CW. I made major changes that Mr. Jamison recognizedas my work.’’‘‘I’msurehedidseeyourmarkonmyideas.ButtellinghimI’mnot up to being a top buyer didn’t exactly help me.’’ (Restates theproblem.)‘‘What would you have me do now?’’‘‘I want us both to go to Mr. Jamison. I want you to tell him howmy ideas sparked your creativity. What I want him to do is put us bothon the CW account and allow us to work together. The ideas wepresent them will be neither mine nor yours. They’ll be ours.’’ (Proposesa resolution.)Patricia sighs. ‘‘If I do that, can we get past this?’’‘‘It would be a good start.’’ANALYSISThere is no guarantee that Patricia will change her behavior. Laura,on the other hand, made it clear what she wanted in order to resolvethis problem. She asked Patricia to really stretch. Her assurances thatshe was not in competition with Patricia helped win Patricia’s agreement.Laura must continue to watch Patricia to make sure she doesnot do anything to undermine her. If she does, Laura must follow
56 Managing Sticky Situations at Workthrough on her threat to join forces with the other buyers and lodge acomplaint with the boss.Specify the Problem. Laura did not begin with specifying the problem.She knew Patricia would be defensive and angry. She wanted to lether know how she felt before she put the actual behavior on the table.When she did say what the problem was, namely, that Patricia tookher leads and presented them as her own, she got Patricia’s attention.Invite the Other Person to Talk. Patricia did not want to participatein the conversation. She got up to leave after Laura invited herto tell her what had happened twice. To keep her in the conversation,Laura had to resort to a negative consequence. If Patricia had left,Laura would have had to take the next step, that is, recruit the otherbuyers to join her in a complaint against Patricia.Join Feeling with Fact. Laura told Patricia she was surprised anddisappointed. She also used her nonverbal behaviors to show compassionby softening her voice. She listened to Patricia’s reason for ‘‘stealing’’her work without judgment and actually showed compassion byassuring her that she did not want to jeopardize or compete for herjob. When Laura took the brownie from Patricia, she showed her shewanted to make peace, not war.Resolve the Issue. Being a Bold, Patricia jumped on the simplestsolutions. She began with a heartfelt apology. This tactic usually worksbecause people accept the apology and go on. Laura, however, refusedto take the bait. Instead, she persisted in looking for a resolution.When Patricia offered the second resolution, another quick fix, Laurapushed harder. Finally, Laura offered a resolution that would resolvethe immediate issue and would begin the long process of building atrusting relationship between Laura and Patricia.STICKY SITUATION #6:ACO-WORKER YOU DISLIKEBeth teaches 3rd grade at a public elementary school. One of herfellow teachers, Maria, gets on her nerves. Beth likes to keep to herself,doing her job and keeping out of school politics. Maria saddlesup to everyone she knows and gossips about students,parents, teachers, and anyone else who crosses her path. Everyday Maria probes Beth with personal questions like whether sheis married, where her husband works, what she likes to do in herspare time, and so on. Beth responds, but the questions feel
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ContentsIllustrationsviiAcknowledgm
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AcknowledgmentsAs a disclaimer, all
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xiiIntroductionis the word that oft
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xivIntroduction4. You supervise a g
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Chapter 1The Say It Just Right (SIJ
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The Say It Just Right (SIJR) Model
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Page 38 and 39: Personality Overlay 19BOLD PERSONAL
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Chapter 8Sticky Romantic Situations
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Sticky Romantic Situations in the O
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Chapter 10Sticky Etiquette Situatio
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202 Appendix 14. True5. False6. Fal
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204 Appendix 1Strategic interviewer
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206 Appendix 2360 By Design®—Des
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IndexAdjourning Stage in groups, 10
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Index 211hot seat, 35-39How Good a
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Index 213Teenage Daughter Is Busted
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Managing Sticky Situations at Work

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