Managing Sticky Situations at Work

6 Managing Sticky Situations at WorkPractical Guide for Positive Change. 3 The authors present a practicalmodel for making assertions in which they provide the communicationtools to enable you to deal with sticky situations. Nonetheless,Bower and Bower leave out one critical ingredient, compassion. Theauthors do not consider the needs of the other person. In fact theyrefer to the other person as the ‘‘downer.’’By contrast, in Powerful Conversations: How High Impact LeadersCommunicate, 4 Paul Harkins talks about how leaders deepen trust.He created a model of trust that includes caring, commitment, andconsistency. According to Harkins, communication does not existwithout trust. He puts compassion and concern for the other personat the top of the list. He tells us that high-impact leaders ‘‘lead fromthe heart.’’ 5CURIOSITY ABOUT EVERYTHINGConfident communicators come into the conversation with ahealthy sense of curiosity. The wonderment that we found so refreshingas children seems to have faded with each year. Where did thatwonder go? Confident communicators never lose the capacity to wonder.They realize that if they enter into a dialogue, knowing their ownrightness, they miss an opportunity to learn. This does not meanshort-changing your needs. It means listening to the needs of theother person with a third ear. As a communications coach, I experiencethe power of this kind of listening every day. The coaching literaturedefines 6 Level 1 listening as hearing from your point of view.Level 2 listening occurs when you hear the needs of the other personwithout going beyond the words. Level 3 listening goes beyond thewords. Listening with the third ear means hearing what is not saidand learning to read the nonverbal cues.• Level 1 Listening response: ‘‘I understand where you are coming from.I’ve had a similar experience.’’• Level 2 Listening response: ‘‘So you are saying you need morestructure in your life.’’• Level 3 Listening response: You notice the person’s eyes moving asthey talk. ‘‘I sense that you are preoccupied; what is disturbing youtoday?’’Before we return to Roger and Sandra, we must examine the secondtier of the SIJR Model, namely, the Decision Points.