Managing Sticky Situations at Work

The Say It Just Right (SIJR) Model 13to each point of view. Mediators struggle to be detached because it isvery hard not to let your biases and expectations color what you arehearing. You can do this, however, when you use the Say It Just RightModel because you communicate with curiosity and wonder. By invitingthe other person to ‘‘tell his story,’’ you listen with curiosity to theway he sees and perceives things. You take that information and combineit with your own. What comes out is the Third Story.Notice in our earlier example with Mary Lou and her boss that sheasked for her boss’s story when she said, ‘‘What kinds of things gotin the way of getting the report out last week?’’ She listened to hisresponse with that neutral, unbiased ear, noting his concern and notjudging him.JOIN FEELINGS WITH FACTSFeelings humanize what we say. When I hear sadness, hurt, or disappointment,I know I’m dealing with a person. When I know I’m dealingwith a person, I am less likely to attack. Be as straightforward withyour feelings as you are when you express behaviors and avoid getting‘‘emotional’’ or using highly charged words.Example: Wrong way: ‘‘You make me mad by never telling me when youare leaving.’’ Right way: ‘‘It frustrates me when you leave without tellingme. It makes me feel as if what I’m doing does not matter to you.’’Remember that your feelings show through in your nonverbalbehaviors. When you do not say what you feel, people still know it.To say it just right you want the feelings you express and the feelingsyou show to match. Thousands of nonverbal behaviors bombard ourcommunication all the time. Being aware of your visual and vocal cueswill add credibility to your message.Some quick tips:• Look the person in the eye, but don’t stare them down.• Stand erect. Don’t shift from foot to foot.• Avoid scowls or frowns that show displeasure.• Don’t fiddle with pens, pencils, or cell phones.• Smile when you mean it; don’t smile when you don’t.• Eliminate the ‘‘um’s’’ and ‘‘ah’s.’’• Use gestures to punctuate your main points.