Managing Sticky Situations at Work

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Sticky Romantic Situations in the Office 125Dave checks his calendar. He has a lunch date with his wife.They’re having a problem with their teenage son and decided tomeet for lunch to talk about strategies. ‘‘I can’t today.’’Roberta rises and sits on the side of his desk. She flips her hairover her shoulder and smiles at him. ‘‘Come on, Dave, whatcould be more important than a date with your boss?’’Dave sighs. ‘‘Can we talk any other time?’’ He knows shedoesn’t really want to talk about the branch office deal. Theytalked that already nearly to death.Roberta hops off his desk. ‘‘Well, if you must play hard to get,’’she looks at him under hooded eyes. ‘‘Come on, Dave. I’ve gotappointments all week. This is my only free hour. There’s no oneI’d rather share it with. I’ll treat you to a glass of your favoritePinot.’’‘‘You know I never drink during the work day.’’Her voice drops. ‘‘Not before five. But after that, well, don’tmake me beg.’’Dave agrees to the lunch. He calls his wife and cancels theirplans.During lunch Roberta toys with Dave’s foot under the table.She slips off her shoe and touches his leg with her bare toes. She gigglesand teases him as if she were his lover. He feels decidedlyuncomfortable, but she’s a very attractive woman. Her attentionand her girlish behavior excite him, especially since he’s seen heroperate in the boardroom where she’s anything but girlish. Whenshe acts like this, she seems more human. Despite himself, Davelaughs at her jokes and listens while she talks about her familyand her deepest dreams. But as they amuse one another, he wondersjust where this relationship with Roberta is headed.APPLYING THE SAY IT JUST RIGHT MODELDECISION POINTSDave weighs the costs. Dave enjoys Roberta’s flirtations. Eventhough she makes him uncomfortable because he’s not sure how torespond, he likes the attention. She singles him out to discuss importantbusiness decisions. She implicitly trusts him. Dave likes his job.The company is growing and Roberta rewards him with salary bonuses
126 Managing Sticky Situations at Workand exotic trips. He’s noticed, however, some tension at home. Havingto cancel the lunch date with his wife put him in a difficult placewhere he had to decide between his wife and Roberta. His job,although important, comes second to his marriage. He can findanother job if he must. He has good credentials. What worries himmore is destroying Roberta’s trust. If he talks to her about her flirtatiousbehavior, she might pull back and extinguish their friendship.Could he continue to work for her if she gives him the cold shoulder?Even more important, would he consider having an affair with her?Because his marriage and family come first, he rejects this option.The thought of having an affair frightens him. But the costs of losingRoberta’s trust are also high.Dave sets his limits. Dave decides that Roberta is going too far. Hemust tell her that he cannot jeopardize his marriage for his work. Robertaasked him to go on a site visit with her to the offices on the EastCoast. During such a trip he anticipates being with her day and night.That opportunity excites him, but he also dreads it. He fears thatthings might get out of hand. He decides not go on any more overnighttrips without first talking to Roberta and setting some limits.Dave determines the power sources. Dave feels powerless. As bossand owner of the company, Roberta holds all the cards. He cannotreport her behavior to anyone, nor does he really want to. He appreciatesthe attention, but he worries about where it will lead. Dave wantsto keep his job, but he knows that if he talks candidly with Roberta,she might overreact. She does not respond well to people whom sheconsiders ‘‘traitors.’’ Dave has always tried to stay on her good side.She could retaliate. Because of her reputation in the technology industry,she could damage Dave beyond firing him. From Dave’s vantagepoint, his only source of power lies in playing to her sense of moralityand decency. Dave is not only a husband but a father. His role as afather might give him leverage to help Roberta see that there is nofuture in their relationship.PERSONALITY OVERLAYDave knows that Roberta is a Bold personality. She takes risks easilyand does not have time for interpersonal relations. She’s spent most ofher life building her business which is her first love. Dave characterizeshimself as a Technical with some Expressive traits. The Expressive partof him likes the attention Roberta has shown him, but the Technical inhim pulls back. He understands that he must listen to his Technical
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ContentsIllustrationsviiAcknowledgm
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AcknowledgmentsAs a disclaimer, all
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xiiIntroductionis the word that oft
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xivIntroduction4. You supervise a g
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Chapter 1The Say It Just Right (SIJ
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The Say It Just Right (SIJR) Model
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Chapter 2Personality OverlayAtthiss
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Personality Overlay 19BOLD PERSONAL
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Personality Overlay 21energy seems
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Larry is clearly a Technical person
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Personality Overlay 25‘‘John kn
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Personality Overlay 27Resolve the I
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Chapter 5Sticky Situations with Cli
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Sticky Situations with Clients 65Un
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‘‘I’m glad to hear that. I wa
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202 Appendix 14. True5. False6. Fal
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204 Appendix 1Strategic interviewer
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206 Appendix 2360 By Design®—Des
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IndexAdjourning Stage in groups, 10
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Index 211hot seat, 35-39How Good a
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Index 213Teenage Daughter Is Busted
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Managing Sticky Situations at Work

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