Dissertation - World Federation of Music Therapy

and I am not sure I want to visit it. Well, my feet want to go there; a part of me wants
to visit the castle. I sense it is the part of me that wants to dance... But I have no
dancing shoes. (Sudden change in the music). Suddenly I am dressed up in dancing
shoes and a white silk dress. The silk shoes are light, and feel almost like skin. (The
shoes I left in the mud were brown and worn out). I feel light, almost like a fairy - I
move with the wind towards the castle. It is close now, and I enter a garden; I have
not been invited, so I have to sneak in. It feels OK; I want to see what is in there.
(Tjajkovskij) A door to the hall is open: I enter through the heavy door. There is no
one around, but I am not afraid. The atmosphere is friendly, and I know the castle is
not abandoned; somebody should live there.... I suddenly realize, that it should be me!
Someone has stolen the castle from me. But it is my castle, and I have a right to take it
back!
(Respighi) I have to go inside, to the area between the wall and the castle. There is a
garden there, and the atmosphere is quiet and still. I know why: Time has stopped
here! There is something very sad about it: Time stopped, when the castle was stolen.
The fruit trees need to be cut, a gardener should take care of it. But time stopped,
when I left... But I am back now, and it feels like coming home (tears).
(Turina) The castle is in good shape; it is clean and shines white... I feel body tension
all over: the tension goes with coming back: I feel cold; there is coldness inside me [a
carpet is provided], even if my body wants to produce warmth. [Tp: ?Does the feeling
have a shape?] It is a bright blue, square box, wrapped in blue paper with strings
around it. I want to throw it away, but don’t know where and how. I throw it into the
fire, it burns! I feel warmer, but it doesn’t go away easily.
(Vaughan Williams: Rhosymedre) I enter the castle again; there is a warm living room
with a fireplace and a bathtub. There is a majestic, good atmosphere in the room. I
want to take in the warmth from the fireplace, and I can do that.
(POSTLUDE): M. realizes that the castle is a self-image and she interprets it the
following way: she has let her boyfriend invade and ‘steal’ it, and thus she has turned
cold and stuck. The butterflies are metaphors of her delusions and her naive dreams
about the relationship. She feels a deep satisfaction getting ‘her castle’ back, and
finding it in good shape. Anger/coldness doesn’t go away that easily, she knows it
will take time. – Finally she draws a MANDALA: Finding love (#9 in The great
round of the Mandala)
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