Dissertation - World Federation of Music Therapy

not all of the time. And of course she answers that there is no unambiguous definition
of ’feeling better’, and I know that. I have improved my contact with different things
– and I have found the courage not to repress the unpleasant aspects of my life. This is
an indication of strength.
[And how does that make you feel better? How can it be productive to confront
difficult issues – in your case?] I am a kind of person who needs to confront and
verbally address things in order to prevent them from overpowering me. The more I
explore things, the less the problems are. I guess it is quite banal from a psychological
point of view. When I recall the sessions with Ellen I think it was like gifts. I mean...
beautiful images, I didn’t know I had within me. And of course I cried sometimes.
[There were not many conflict issues?] I don’t think so. I got access to [my own]
strength – and to beauty and harmony. Not only harmony, but also caring and
gentleness. Conflicts too, but also an end to conflicts. In my second session I had the
image of a small car driving through a cloud, and it rained in the cloud. I am the car
facing this pouring rain. But I drive through the heavy thunder shower. The point is
that I drive through it. The cloud is small and limited, and I see myself coming out on
the other side. I think this has been characteristic of all unpleasant things that I have
faced in music therapy – every time there was a door in the other end. Or upwards,
towards God – I have been in churches many times. In relation to music therapy I
cannot say precisely why it is better to confront negative issues, as this is not what
stands out for me as an essence of the music therapy.
[Confronting may be the wrong concept in this context. Could it be a better
formulation that the many ’gifts’ you say you received were connected to your
courage to ask for them? Express what you needed?] I think so. I guess all participants
in this project had the courage to say ’I need help’. It is hard to acknowledge that ’I
am in a state where I need to be a pilot- or experimental patient’! It takes some
courage to say ’Yes, please’ and accept what you get.
[Not only at an intellectual or cognitive level, as you said earlier?] Precisely. [So the
’call for help’ was answered?] Certainly – there is no doubt about that. [And in a way
that verbal therapy cannot provide?] I don’t think it can. Maybe I could have got all
the non-musical aspects of a [BMGIM] session in other contexts. But the music – the
music does some thing to me that I have not experienced anywhere else. And I have
done many strange things in my life, also before I got cancer. I wonder what it is
about the music – and why it could not be rock or jazz – I am very curious about that.
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