Dissertation - World Federation of Music Therapy

#9
17.03
# 10
24.03
Life is SO hard.
Cleansing tears
yesterday by reading
transcripts of #7 and 8.
’Everything OK’. The
white room? The
threadmill? What do I
need to change? I need
nurture to get through it.
FOCUS: The white
room. Care less
(intensely).
Life is demanding. Wish
that God would carry
me. Fatigue. Yesterday
it was two years since
cancer breakout. Hard
times. Talks about fear
of death.
Unclarified about the
situation – like being
trapped in a box. The
ambiguity: Sisyfos, the
threadmill. I want to be
held.
Leave the outer
world and its affiais
behind you.
Concentrate on
breathing. Let the
universal power give
you the energy you
need, to your whole
body. Approach the
white room, open
your mind and let the
music...
Breathing.
There are more than
one room: the white
room and the box.
Universal energy /
power from outside.
Going through the
body... ’I see myself
in the box, from the
outside’
1.Debussy
the pumping red-orange heart.
1. Calm and nice. I sleep on my
side, turning the back outwards. White /
2.Liadov
Gold. Wake up, rise. A new, unknown place. The room welcomes med.
3.Holst, Venus
Very new that I don’t know where, where to and how! Like a newborn.
4.Grieg
2. Unclear white /gold. A Cherubim. A little worn, but OK. Tornado
5.Grieg
(right) – The Cherubim (left). Dividing line = a white wall. The
= PASTORALE tornado rushes against it, but in vain. It lurks off, sad. An acorn opens in
four flaps. Seed.
3. A feeling of I-can’t-be-bothered-any-more. Horses in full speed. I just
watch. Birds, very self-confident (= being). God [a celesta in the music]
knocks the door. Descends to my level.
4. He wants to take care of me. Hands on my shoulders, watching me
deeply in my eyes: Don’t fight so hard any more! Go into it. Face it.
Confront it. It will be lonely and hard.
CONVERSATIONS
5. He ascends. I’ll have to do the rest myself. I get cross. He has given me
a new burden, a new fight! Some experiences are only for yourself. Sad.
POST: He did the right thing, I can see that. He helped me, but not in the
way I expected. It’s important to dwell in the non-intense states (unclear
colours and moods). A new place to land. Facing God – and yourself.
1. It’s peaceful, but I’m not sleeping. Autumn leaf floating gently, like the
1.Elgar
doll throwing itself unresistingly… being guided. Important that I keep
2.Ravel
my eyes open. Leaf falling down and resting on silent water.
3.Bizet
2. Being rocked. It is all part of the plan. A door -> a meadow
with sheep,
4.Mendelssohn
like a postcard. I stroll around with no goal. Not locked up in my own
5.Mozart
world. I am in this harmonious world of images. How did I get here.
6.Schmidt
Can I come back? I feel sad. My heart trembles. Why must it be so
7.Stravinskij
difficult? (tears). Existential loneliness. Nobody can help me find the
way. A feeling of chaos.
45’ +
3. A leaf again. Many leaves. Community.
4. Maybe it was there all the time –
the spruce cone? Fishes in the flood.
Feel sad, because the music is so beautiful. Sheep. Wisdom – how do I
get it?