Expert-Secrets full book

—the hero’s second journey. This is the root cause of your struggles.
Sometimes it’s hard to share, or even know, what the actual internal
struggles are. But if you’re willing and able to get vulnerable and share your
internal struggles, this will build rapport faster than anything else you can do.
Why? Because your audience also shares these same internal struggles. Most
people never talk about them, but when they hear you get vulnerable and expose
what you are really struggling with, the audience will form an almost instant
connection with you.
I’ve found that the secret to identifying people’s internal struggles is to take
their external struggle, and ask them “Why?” about five or six times. Keep
drilling down until you get to the real reason they want to change. Here’s a hint:
It’s usually tied to love or status—or both.
For example, if someone tells you they want to lose weight, ask them,
“Why?”
“Well, because I want to be healthy.”
“Why?”
“Because I have three kids, and I want to keep up with them.”
“Why?”
“Because by 5:00 p.m., I’m completely out of energy, and I just want to lie
down.”
“Why?”
“Because I don’t want people to think I’m a bad mom.”
(Notice that the first few reasons are almost always tied to status.)
“Why?”
“Because I want my kids to know that I love them.”
“Why?”
“Because I never knew whether my mom loved me…”
BOOM!
(Notice that this one is tied to love.)
Or if someone wants to make money, ask, “Why?”
“So I can get a bigger house, and my wife can quit her job.”
“Why?”
“So that I can provide a better life for my family.”
“Why?”
“Because my kids are in daycare, and I really think they should be home
with their mom.”
“Why?”
“Because my definition of a successful family is having my wife stay home
with my kids.”