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The Obvious Inquiry
THE Higgins family were moving from
Twenty-sixth Street to Thirty-sixth Street.
Three vans had carried all their belongings
during the afternoon, except Mrs. Higgins'
mother's cut-glass bowl, which Mrs. Higgins
wanted to carry because it was not easy to
pack, and the grandfather's clock that was
never trusted to the moving-vans. Higgins
always carried it.
Holding it with both arms, Higgins walked
down the front steps like an amateur tightrope
dancer and started up the avenue. It
demanded all of his strength, breath, and
attention.
At Twenty-eighth Street Higgins set the
clock down carefully and mopped his face.
"Shay, old man," said a blear-eyed individual
who had been staggering up the avenue
behind him. "Shay, why don't you get a
watch ?"
The Acme of Belief
SHE—"Mr. Smitli has great faith in his
fellow men."
HE—"Yes. He even writes 'Personal' on a
postal card."
Automatic
"MANDY, what fo' you gib dat baby a big
piece ob po'k to chaw on? Don' you-all know
de po' chile'll choke on hit?"
"DINAH, don' you see de string tied to dat
piece ob fat po'k? De oder end's tied to de
chile's toe. Ef he chokes he kick, an' ef he
kicks he'll je'k de po'k out. Ah reckon you-all
don' learn me nothin' 'bout bringin' up chil
luns."
BLOWING OFF STEAM 447
In the Fifth Avenue Bus
THE BABY — "Googly — gooly — goo-goo —
googl."
THE MOTHER—"Yes, indeed, darling! that's
the Public Library!"
A Difference
THE class in spelling was asked to stats the
difference between "results" and "consequences."
One bright-eyed little miss replied: "Results
are what you expect, and consequences
are what you get."
Not So Poetic
THEY were dancing the one-step. The music
was heavenly. The swish of her silken skirts
was divine. The fragrance of the roses upon
her bosom was intoxicating.
"Ah," she smiled sweetly, with an arch look
gffi
up into his face, "you remind me of one of
Whitman's poems."
A sudden dizziness seemed to seize liim. It
was as if he were floating in a dream. When
he had sufficiently gained his breath he spoke :
"Which one?"
"Oh, any one," she replied. "The feet are
mixed in all of them."
Too Many Traces
"I HEAR that Gayboy's wife is kicking over
the traces." "Yes. Gayboy should have seen
to it that his coat was more thoroughly
brushed."
Quite Transparent
JOHN (angrily)—"Now I see through youi
subterfuge."
MARIE—"Well, that's only because there's
a very bright sun."
The Wonder of It
"SHALL I teach you to make doughnuts?"
asked grandma.
"Yes. I am terribly interested. I can't
understand how you arrange the inner tubes."