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Recovery Paid
IN times of peace Smith might have been
an author who had drifted into some useful
occupation, such as that of a blacksmith, but
just now he is cook to the Blankshire officers'
mess. Smith sent Murphy into the village to
bring home some chickens ordered for the
mess.
"MURPHY," said Smith, the next day, "when
you fetch me chickens again, see that they are
fastened up properly. That lot you fetched
yesterday all got loose, and though I scouted
the village I only managed to secure ten of
them."
"SH !" said Murphy. "I only brought six."
J«
The Patriot
"I DON'T see how you can justly say that I
am blind to the best interests of our country,"
fumes the man with the badges on his coat.
"Didn't I march in the preparedness parade,
and ain't I going to send these blankets to the
national guard just as soon as I get the rest
of my European war orders filled?"
Si
The Usual Story
She said 'twas naughty, wasn't nice.
She said she would resist him—
Each ancient feminine device—
And then, of course, she kissed him.
J*
Harem Scandal
FIRST TURKISH MATRON—"It is positively
indecent how transparent these young women
are wearing veils !"
SECOND TURKISH MATRON—"Yes. The first
thing you know they'll be discarding their
trousers!"
BLOWING OFF STEAM 767
How the Indian Got His Receipt
W H E N Francis E. Leupp was Indian Commissioner
a Choctaw brave paid him a debt
of fifty dollars for professional services. Mr.
Leupp thanked him for the money, but the
Indian stood with arms folded, evidently waiting
for something else. The Commissioner,
therefore, asked the red man what he wanted,
and received the reply:
"Waiting for receipt."
"What do you want a receipt for?" asked
Mr. Leupp; "are you afraid that I will ask
you for this money a second time?"
The Indian shrugged his shoulder and said:
"When I go meet the great Father Saint
Peter he will want me to show receipt for
fifty dollars which I paid you, before I can
enter heaven. I want to show receipt when I
come to the gate; I don't want hunt all over
hell to find you."
The Indian was given his receipt.
St Sweet Reassurance
"AND will you love me to the end?" she
asked, cuddling in his arms, after their first
quarrel.
"Yes," he replied with all the fervor of his
soul, "no matter how soon it may come."
St
No Telling
A RATHER patronizing individual from town
was observing with considerable interest the
operations of a farmer with whom he had put
up for a while.
As he watched the old man sow the seed in
his field the man from the city called out
facetiously:
"Well done, old chap. You sow; I reap the
fruits."
Whereupon the farmer grinned and replied:
"Maybe you will. I am sowing hemp."
St
Dangerous
"TAKE it away! Take it away!" said the
editor, handing the amateur poet's poem back
to him.
"What's the matter? Why are you so disturbed?"
| "Take it away! Your meter is so leaky that
I'm afraid to tackle it without a gas mask."