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Never Lost Ground
ONE evening a panhandler sidled up to
William Collier as the player was walking
around to the theatre, and addressed him thus:
"Sir, I began life poor and in hard luck.
I—"
"Don't say anything more, my man," interrupted
Collier, as he slipped the man a quarter.
"It's worth money to learn how well you
have held your own."
The Capture
St
GLADYS left the whist table suddenly, accompanied
by an admiring suitor. Rushing up to
her mother she cried: "Oh, mother, I've captured
the booby."
"Well, dear," returned her mother, "come
and kiss me, both of you."
Jit
What the Boss Did
"YES," said the determined man, "when that
waiter resented the smallness of my tip I took
the case to the proprietor of the restaurant."
"And what did the proprietor do?"
"He gave the waiter some money out of
his own pocket and apologized to him for
having such a customer."
St
With the Movies
"WHAT are you filming now?"
"Story of Jonah and the whale, in 24 exteriors
and 16 interiors."
BLOWING OFF STEAM 927
His Chance
"SCIENTISTS say that blondes will disappear
in a few years."
This gave the golden-haired girl her opportunity.
"Well, if you want one," said she sweetly,
"you'd better speak up now."
Jt
Who They Are
JONES—"And who are the O'Briens' ancestors?"
O'BRIEN—"What's that?"
JONES—"I mean, whom do the O'Briens
spring from?"
O'BRIEN—"The O'Briens spring from no
one; they spring at them."
St
Told in an Epitaph
AN automobile accident resulted in the death
of the driver and the injury of two passengers.
The coroner summoned several witnesses,
among them a farmer living near the scene
of the accident. There was voluminous testimony
regarding the high speed at which the
car traveled. Witnesses said, too, that the
road was in bad repair. The coroner finally
reached the farmer, who lived near the scene.
"What would you say about this accident,
Mr. Swiggert?" the coroner asked.
"Well, if I was writin' that young man's
epitaph," the witness drawled, "I'd say he died
tryin' to get 60 miles out of a 10-mile road."
<
Home from the Ball
STUDE—"See this chalk on my shoulder ?"
ROOMMATE—"Yeh."
STUDE—"Well, that ain't chalk."
St
Fourth Speed
VrviENNE—"Bill and Helen are fast friends,
aren't they?"
ALBERT—"Yes, he is one of her fastest."
St
Taking No Chances
BESS—"Why, do you know, he calls on me
oftener than he did before I refused to marry
him."
JESS—"The coward I"