SEXIS WRONG

Making Moves
Erotic Chess
Ann Regentin
Faye Dunaway and Steve McQueen sit opposite each other,
assessing, wondering where their game of cat and mouse
will end. She rises suddenly, walks over to a chess set and
looks down at it speculatively.
“Do you play?” he asks.
“Try me,” she says.
And so they play. A finger caresses the curve of a bishop,
plays with a lip, runs up and down a bare arm, fidgets with
a tie, brushes a knee under the table. They smile, exchange
glances as the fire crackles in the background.
Check.
He stands, his back to the board, to her, then turns and looks
over the game. He did not expect this. It’s his move now. He
pulls her to her feet. “Let’s play something else!”
What are you supposed to think
when somebody declares that
they’re going to mate you in five
moves, so you might as well
surrender now?
This chess game in the 1968 version of The Thomas Crown
Affair, along with the kiss that follows, is one of the great seduction
scenes on film. The movie itself is about the collision
between a rich, spoiled bank robber and a beautiful, intelligent
insurance investigator, and is only otherwise memorable
for some tricky production techniques. But the chess game
does its double duty splendidly, providing both a metaphor
for the battle of wits between the two protagonists and a
perfect arena for a long, slow dance of mutual temptation.
I love chess. I was introduced to it by my father and uncles,
who played constantly at every family gathering. I learned pinochle
the same way, but I’ve never eroticized that. Pinochle
is associated in my mind with peanuts and kidding, but chess
is another story entirely. I’ve never been particularly attracted
to my uncles, but I am very attracted to chess.
The language of chess is very sexual. What are you supposed
to think when somebody declares that they’re going
to mate you in five moves, so you might as well surrender
now? Things get taken in chess. They can also be pinned and
skewered. If you’re going to nab the queen, you have to move
in carefully, obliquely, much like a tricky seduction. It’s a traditionally
masculine game, but in spite of that, or perhaps because
of it, she is the most powerful piece on the board and
calls many of the shots. A knight, if he’s careful, can take her
without putting himself in harm’s way. He just has to make
the right moves.
I’m not a particularly gifted player. I can think
ten moves ahead, but I usually forget the first
three, and I can get so invested in a plan that I
fail to see clearly what my opponent is doing.
Sometimes I get impatient and careless. But I
play ruthless, material chess, and I win at least
as often as I lose.
I love the challenge of the game. I like pitting my wits against
someone else’s. I like the tension of the endgame, when every
move counts and there is no room for error. My heart
pounds and I fidget, waiting on tenterhooks for my opponent
to make his move, then sitting there staring at the board for
ages, trying to anticipate him. That’s part of what makes
chess so erotic. In order to play well, you have to read your
opponent’s mind, get into his head the way you do when
116 EVERYTHING YOU KNOW ABOUT SEX IS WRONG