SEXIS WRONG

dispensability of sodomy. No, fucking isn’t the be-all and endall
of male/male sex. Still, when my cock went up Daniel’s
sweet ass, it was as if some final barrier was crossed, some
Rubicon of the rump. So I’m gratified when the next day I get
email from him that reads, “I can’t believe how great it was to
get fucked by you. I really wanna do it again.”
Gratified, because the feeling is mutual.
Many heterosexuals, whatever faiths they may or may not
follow, have a good deal invested in passing on their DNA
through breeding. Gay men, meanwhile, are more or less uninterested
in the life-generating pussy. No offense, ladies, but
we’d rather deal with ass. For some odd reason, this anal obsession
seems to get puritans’ (and not just of the Christian
variety) noses out of joint.
When the fire-and-brimstone fulminators talk about “the gay
deathstyle,” just what’s happening there? Sure, there are
health issues to think about. But since some of those very
same homophobes are 300-pound cigarette-smokers headed
to McDonald’s in their pollutant-spewing SUVs, the health
concerns seem iffy. It seems more likely that by marrying,
breeding, and raising kids, Mr. Het may well feel he is, perhaps
grimly, doing his duty, keeping the ol’ human race afloat.
A queer guy, though, can say, like some buggering Bartleby
the Scrivener, “I’d prefer not to,” and stick his dickie up a
butthole instead. The sheer, brazen, nonreproductive effrontery!
Blowjobs, no matter how nonreproductive, are a different
When my cock went up Daniel’s
sweet ass, it was as if some final
barrier was crossed, some Rubicon
of the rump.
matter. For one thing, there’s hardly a straight guy alive who
doesn’t like getting sucked off, and not a few avail themselves
of the oral services of expert queers, in online-arranged dates
or brief encounters down at the rest stop on the interstate.
Even when it comes to ass, a not inconsiderable number of
het boys have persuaded their girlfriends or wives to let them
inside their tight, wet rears. But only a select minority of nonqueer
men—the few, the proud, the buggerees—ever deign
to let down their armor and throw their legs in the air.
full of Christian charity, claim otherwise), a US President who
thinks Jesus talks to him (no doubt denouncing queer sex
when he does), and a California governor who denounces
“girlie men.” No wonder I get out of sorts.
No wonder I’ve woken up with a yen to eat ass.
I’ve come to realize that, in fact, I’d often rather stick my
tongue up a hole than plunge my dick in there. I’m not sure
where that comes from, but I know when I lick a guy’s hole,
it’s a powerful moment for me. Ostensibly, it’s a very bottom-y
thing to do, I guess, but I’ve hardly ever met a bottom
guy who didn’t like getting his hiney licked. It feels great, of
course, and often loosens a pucker for boning. To me as rimmer,
it’s a bit of a wallow, a radical commitment to the food
chain, a violation on both our parts. And, given the potential
health risks, eating ass is a tempting of fate; I’ll readily concede
that.
It’s as close as I get to taking Communion.
I’ve heard that novice Tibetan Buddhist monks go through
an initiation called “sleeping with corpses,” which is pretty
much what it sounds like. It is, I’m supposing, a way to accept
the transitory nature of all things, to learn the lesson that
we’re all going to die. Even that monk over there in his saffron
robes is going to croak. Even, dear and gentle reader, you.
Buddhists, of course, believe that until we learn to behave
ourselves, we’re doomed to countless rebirths. Christians
believe that unless we learn to behave ourselves, we’re
doomed to die. Whichever. Whatever. I’m pretty damn sure
I’m doomed to something or other. Be that as it may, I truly,
madly, deeply love eating ass; it’s my very own
version of sleeping with corpses, I guess. Only
it has to do with “stiff” in quite another sense
of the word.
Madonna, profound thing that she is, once
pointed out that life is a mystery. Well, sexual
attraction is a mystery, too. Maybe even a bigger one. And
each of those beautiful men out there has an asshole, a portal
into his guts. Hawkers of hetero hegemony will tell you that
when it comes to sex, the anus is just a poor substitute, a
second-rate vagina. But what if it’s precisely the other way
around? What if the very best sex is supposed to be nonproductive,
dangerous, messy, queer? What if cunt is just a poor
substitute for asshole?
Well, I’m just asking…
Early May
Spring has come. I’m still seeing Daniel every once in a
while. Meantime, out in the world beyond the bedroom door,
there’s a Pope who hates fags (though I’m sure he would,
Mid-May
I’m in luck. Juan is free to stop by.
298 EVERYTHING YOU KNOW ABOUT SEX IS WRONG