SEXIS WRONG

and purity of heart, that makes Dodson a person any woman
(or man) can learn from. How many of us, even the most liberated
and free-spirited, could have such an open attitude yet
one imbued by love at every turn? It’s easy enough not to be
jealous when the flings are casual and feelings are fleeting,
but when you’re in love, the stakes are higher—I’d imagine
especially so for someone like Dodson, who had sworn off
what she calls “partnersex” more than a decade ago in favor
of masturbation, only to find herself falling for Eric in a major
way in 1999.
Does the author of the book Orgasms for Two partake in the
open aspect of their relationship? Occasionally, but it’s not a
high priority. She may have a night of hot sex with a female
friend, and they’ve enjoyed the occasional threesome, but
when Dodson’s not with Eric, more often she’s working, finishing
various art and writing projects, and fielding sex advice
questions on her website. She tells me that her role model is
“When I die, baby, I’m gonna
have so few regrets.”
Granny D., a/k/a Doris Haddock, a 94-year-old woman who
walked across the country in 1999 and ran for US Senate. How
does this relate to nonmonogamy? It’s clear that Dodson is a
woman on a mission, and while she’s excised jealousy from
her heart, she also simply doesn’t have time to brood. She’s
too busy trying to improve other people’s sex lives.
Dodson realizes that open relationships aren’t for everyone,
though she feels strongly that the cultural imperative concerning
monogamy is dangerous and damaging. “I’m just
talking about myself,” she says. “There are all these different
ways to go. America practices serial monogamy with cheating
on the side. It’s never acknowledged, and it’s lied about.
Yes, there are people who are happy being monogamous,
and if you’re married and own a lot of things together and
have children, there’s more at stake”—but that’s not a reason
to succumb to monogamy if it’s not right for you.
Dodson can make it sound so easy (if only!) but admits that
she was plagued by jealousy in the first year of their relationship.
She was worried Eric would fall for someone younger
and she’d be left in the dust, but over time she’s been reassured
by his constancy and love and has gotten over her
jealousy. About the dreaded emotion, she says, “I hate it. I’ve
never liked it in myself. I don’t like it in other women and men;
I don’t like the way society accepts it as normal. I think it’s
a learned proposition. We’re all a bunch of insecure wimps;
we ought to have enough self-love and self-fullness that we
don’t have to be totally reliant on getting our self-worth from
another person. It’s my firm belief that jealousy turns into a
cancerous growth.”
I’d thought that I too might feel awkward—I’m talking to the
female partner of the last guy I slept with. But I feel only
amazement at Dodson’s attitude, which turns our culture’s
totalistic devotion to monogamy on its head. We generally assume
that actions speak louder than words, which in the case
of sex means that physical monogamy is the only true way
of showing our love. And yet, even for those who manage to
keep their pants on (surely fewer than we’d like to believe),
what about their dirty thoughts and fantasies? Growing up,
we’re taught that one person should be enough to satisfy all
our carnal needs, leaving many with false expectations and
crushed hopes. Dodson’s lived through those and doesn’t
want to again. “When I die, baby, I’m gonna have so few
regrets. Isn’t that what it’s all about, to live life fully?”
Our conversation is done, yet the feisty Dodson still has more
to say, and she surprises me yet again. “The next time you’re
with Eric, know that I’m blessing you at every moment.” I
smile as I hang up, sure that on my date with him, I’ll still be
feeling Dodson’s warmth, energy, and compassion.
70 EVERYTHING YOU KNOW ABOUT SEX IS WRONG